So long, 2009

I say this over and over, but I really can't believe that it is very possible that the baby we've been waiting for all these years is due to be born next week.  Someone pinch me.  We have lots to do in a few days and my neuroses are kicking into high gear.  I think about emom often and trust that she and baby are doing well.  I'm nervous but so excited to meet emom. 

A new year and hopefully, a new title for me very soon....Mommy.  I feel like a cheeseball writing that.  Maybe it's just part of the disbelief.  Or maybe I am a cheeseball.  Whatever the case may be, I'm ready for 2010 and the new journey of parenthood that we hope is in store for us very soon.  

Happy New Year to all! 

And a special wish for those of you still awaiting news of a match that your dreams come true in '10.           

The cat's out of the bag

If I had to describe our attitude about disclosing our adoption match news to family and friends, it would be, in a word, private...private as opposed to secretive.  We're just not the type to start yelling from the rooftops (although we wanted to).  We started with our immediate families soon after we received the call.  For the last 3 months or so, we've told some, but not many.  I guess that's just us being cautious and afraid that things would fall through.  But as January is quickly approaching, it has seemed more appropriate for us to share our news.  We've also found that as time has passed, our news has "leaked", so we wanted to be able to tell people who didn't hear our news yet ourselves. 

This last week, with holiday parties aplenty, we've had the opportunity to tell people in our lives who don't already know.   It was both strange and wonderful to be giving news about an addition to the family, rather than hearing about it.  We are grateful for the support, excitement, and well-wishes.  It was overwhelming, but made me realize how fortunate we are to have the family and friends that we do.  Sure, there were some reactions that probably would have been somewhat different if we were sharing pregnancy news, but it was all positive.  I have to remember that some just don't have experience with adoption and leave it at that.

I'm thinking about having a separate and private blog for family and close friends to share our journey when we travel.  That was the original purpose of this blog, but it turned into something much different for me as we waited to be matched.  Here is where I've gotten pretty personal and I'm not ready to share that with all people IRL (in real life).  Don't worry...I would be sharing a lot of the same information on this blog (I may be doing a lot of copying and pasting).  I just want to avoid my worlds colliding.         

Time is flying by

Almost four months ago, Christmas seemed so far away and now it's just a day away.  With each holiday, I saw it as a milestone to get past as we got closer to emom's due date.  Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas.  It seems like I've wished the entire season of fall away!  One more holiday to go...and we're just hoping that it will be a very, very special and happy new year for us. 

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.  Here's hoping all of your Christmas dreams come true.       

I hate snow

We got walloped with about 21" of snow on Saturday.  Even though we live in the northeastern part of the country, we're not that used to that much snow at one time.  It's usually about this time that I seriously contemplate moving to Florida or Arizona.  Too bad Hubbs wouldn't be down with that.  Speaking of Hubbs, he has been working since 8am Saturday morning...and won't be back until very late tonight.  Big football game today and the stadium had to be cleared!  We missed dinner with his immediate family last night, which really stinks because we were looking forward to it.   As I was wading through the snow drifts and getting snow in my socks as I shoveled what felt like mountains of snow, I could only think of one thing...that snow and winter absolutely suck.  Yeah, it's pretty while it's falling, but then it's just gets slushy and brown and is a major PITA.   

Enough complaining...

One plus of snow shoveling...a great workout.  However, I did take some Advil as a pre-emptive strike against the back/arm/leg aches that I'm anticipating. 

   

Busy, busy, busy!

We're in nesting overdrive over here.  I haven't done much blogging or reading of my favorite blogs because I haven't had a lot of time.  Some bullet updates: 

-We're leaving in 3 weeks...and still have to book our flight and car rental.  The hotel is booked.
-The house is a WRECK.  We're doing some last minute home improvement projects....the perfect time for it! 
-I submitted my time off request and fortunately for us, I can use sick and vacation time.  I'm requesting 14 weeks off....7 will be paid.   
-Christmas shopping is done. 
-We have to pick up the nursery furniture. 
-I bought the car seat (yes, we decided to bring one with us...or ship to hotel...thanks Jill!). 
-Hubbs had his required bloodwork done today. 
-We have to stop by our local police station and get fingerprints done (our state scans fingerprints rather than using ink, but agency wants the prints for our file). 
-Hubbs is working the next 2 weekends and our holiday social calendar is full.
-Received more information about emom through the agency.  She's currently going to counseling, which was good to hear. 
-Starting to freak out! 

A little bit of insight about B

During this 4 month wait, I've been frustrated about the lack of contact with the agency.  Our consultant had told me that things would pick up once we got closer to the due date.  Well, I guess that time has come.  I've had more contact with the agency person because she is now needing some additional paperwork.  She asked if I had heard from B, since she was supposed to call me after the doctor's appointment.  When I told her no, she replied in her email: 

"She is doing well, and I see her every week or two. As far as I know she is still fine with the adoption plan. I am not sure what her deal with the communication is right now. I think she just has a lot on her plate right now (none of it about the adoption) and she needs to get her own life straightened out. She is a sweetie and needs to focus on dealing with getting her life back on track. Right now she is not working or anything and just has too much time on her hands."

I don't know any details, but I did know that she has some issues going on in her life right now.   I guess that I am glad to get any information about her, but at the same time, it doesn't totally ease my anxiety.  There probably isn't anything (other than a Xan.ax) that would do that right about now.  I'm thankful that she seems to have regular contact with the agency and I believe the agency person has a good relationship with her.  B has placed another child for adoption before and worked with this woman.  I still have yet to reply to the agency, but I'm going to ask about what kind of emotional support she has currently or is available to her.  

As I mentioned in the previous post, my communication will just be through the agency.  Not what I hoped for, but I obviously need to back off B.

Quick update

The crib, mattress, and recliner are in and ready for pick-up!   

We're going to B's home state sooner than originally planned, so my ticker has been updated accordingly.  It's fun for me to look at that thing.   

According to the agency, B was going to call me to talk about traveling sooner than planned.  She has not called and I don't expect her to.  I left a message for her tonight.  I've decided that from now on, I'll be contacting the agency only, unless there is a strong indication for me to call B.  I hate that and it makes me anxious and more uncertain about everything.  But at this point, I feel like I am stalking the woman.  The agency has frequent contact with her and I'm told that she's doing really well.     

Not enough time in the day and an agency update

Holy crap!  I haven't been on my blog in a few days and now the ticker is stating "one month and 4 days to go".  Eek! 

Hubbs and I did a lot of work on the house this weekend.  In hindsight, I wonder if less than 5 weeks to go before baby was the best time to start some of the things that we did.  The nursery is almost done, but totally unfurnished.  We didn't originally plan to do this, but we stained and gave the hardwood floor a few coats of polyurethane.  It has a lot of deep scratches and nicks character and it turned out great.  The recliner and crib that I ordered are still not in and the dresser that I am in the process of refinishing is out in the garage...still in the process. 

On a whim, we decided to paint the entire living room this weekend.  AAAHHHHHHHHH!  The impetus was the thought of the many visitors that we will likely have once baby is home with us.  We had at least 40 year old, dingy wallpaper on the walls.  They now have a coat of primer on it (decided not to get into scraping).  Hubbs is busy all week after work, so not much more is going to get done until next weekend. 

We've been in the house just about one year now (on the 19th) and we finally get to doing this big project.    It's not going to be completely finished in the next few weeks...hubbs wants to put up crown moulding and the carpets will be pulled up and floors refinished eventually.  But it should look a hell of a lot better. 

I talked with our agency person and found out that B has a doctor's appointment next week.  I haven't talked with B in quite some time, which is disappointing, but agency person said that she is doing really well.  We should have a better idea of when we should travel after the appointment because she is being induced.  We're already planning to be there 2 days before the presumed induction date.  She also talked about "all of us" going out to eat when we arrive, so that we're not meeting for the first time at the hospital.  AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  Needless to say, I'm excited and nervous about that. 

I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about everything.  Or is it nausea when I think about all of the work on the house?  It could be a combo.          

Window shopping for B

I was in the mall today and I was thinking about B.  I wanted to get her a little something.  While whatever I get for her is just a small token, it is nothing at all compared to the biggest, most amazing gift of our lives she will be giving us.   Everything I looked at today seemed...trivial.  Also, over the last 4 months, I haven't learned any more about her than I did from reading the inital intake when we decided to submit our profile.  I wish that I knew more about her so that I could at least have an idea of what she might like.   

I know that we're not "exchanging" gifts by any means, but I want whatever I get her to be special and heartfelt.  At the same time, maybe it shouldn't be too much...what if she doesn't really want to be reminded of this child or us?   I don't know how she feels.  Maybe I'm overthinking this.  That would not be a first. 

I called B the day before Thanksgiving wishing her and her child a good holiday. 

Yep...another voicemail message left.

A working Thanksgiving

Hubbs and I had a busy, but quiet day.  We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family this past weekend, which was very nice, but hectic.  Hubbs' parents accepted an invite for Thanksgiving dinner with some relatives, so today for the holiday it was me and Hubbs....I was so excited.  Not that I don't enjoy being with family, but we didn't have to run around and we could just "relax", even though we were hard at work all day. 

We did more work around the house consisting of putting in new windows, 1 in the nursery and 3 in our bedroom.  I did some trim painting in the nursery as well.  Then, I cooked a Thanksgiving dinner...for two. 

As I was watching Hubbs install the nursery window, I thought of many things to be thankful for....here are just a few. 

- No rain today. 
- Hubbs did not fall off the ladder.
- Despite all of the work it needs, we have our home.
- Hubbs knows how to and is able to do most of the work that needs to be done.
- We are financially able to buy the things needed to make the necessary renovations.
- We are getting a nursery ready.
- There will very likely be a little one in our home in a short while.  

Hope you had a Thanksgiving full of many reasons to give thanks:)

A book giveaway

Thank you again for the book recommendations!  I realized that I do have What to Expect in the First Year!  It was buried in my nightstand.  I can't believe that I'll finally be needing it.  How or when I got it, I have no idea. 

It seems that I've had various "libraries" during the course of our family building efforts.  They've ranged from the 'trying to conceive' type to 'life after infertility' books to the 'considering adoption' variety to 'adopting'.  After each stage we went through, I eventually got around to donating the books to the library or selling them on am.azon.

I was going through my current library and found one that doesn't belong anymore.  It's called "The A.doption Dec.ision:  15 Thi.ngs You W.ant to Know Be.fore Ado.pting" by Lau.ra Chris.tianson.  To be completely honest, it was not my cup of tea.  Also, I got it after we had already decided to adopt.   Duh.  But maybe someone out there will find it helpful, especially if that someone is trying to decide if adoption is for them.

I know that many of my followers are in the process or have already adopted, but if anyone is interested in this book, leave your email.  I will pick randomly, let you know via email, and ship it right out. 

P.S. I've enabled comment moderation and email addresses will not be published.

Books

Wow...thank you for the advice in my previous post on what to bring! The consensus seems to be with bringing a car seat. The jury is still out on that for us. As it gets closer, I will see, especially because we plan on being there a few days before the induction date. If she goes early, then we'll be screwed we'll figure it out.


I thought that I would pick your mommy brains again, this time about parenting books. Any good ones that you recommend? If you want to comment also on the reason why you like a particular book, that would be wonderful too. Thanks!

What to bring, what to buy out-of-state

We are flying out of state to a city where T.arget and BRU are both easily accessible.  We're planning on buying the car seat when we get there.  I know that we risk not being able to get the car seat that I've been eyeing, but I don't want us to have to schlep an empty seat to the airport, then worry about it being tossed around in baggage. 

The question for the moms who traveled out of state for little one....what baby stuff did you bring with you and what did you purchase at your destination?  Besides your answers helping me out, I really just love reading about the different experiences!   

Talking names

Hubbs told one of his good buddies about the match when he stopped by our house last night.  He was literally gushing...it was cute, especially knowing this guy.  He was very happy and excited for us.  He recently became a dad himself, so he was giving me advice about everything, from sleep schedules to baby bumpers to diapering (play-by-play instructions and technique demo included).   He talked about how he and his wife decided on naming their baby, which turned out to be a very complicated process for them.  The child was not named for about 3 days because they could not decide. 

After he left, I brought up the subject of names with Hubbs.  With less than 2 months to go, we've been talking a bit more openly about the little one....but still haven't really discussed names.  In addition, we haven't discussed names with really anyone else, except for my sister.  Mainly, I've wanted to avoid the criticism and/or comments that often occurs when talking about baby names.

There was one name in particular that we heard right before the match.  We both agreed that we liked it at that time.  Since then, in my head I've been calling the little one by that name.  Hubbs said that he hadn't really thought about it yet **rolling my eyes**.  I'm not one bit surprised by that.   

Hubbs decided to give the name a test run, as in saying the name out loud in different circumstances.  [To give an idea of how this went, I'll use the name "BoomBoom" as a substitute for the actual name.]

1)  Hi there, "BoomBoom".
2)  Time for beddie-bye, "BoomBoom".
3)  "BoomBoom", come see Daddy.
4)  "BoomBoom", don't touch that. 
5)  I love you, "BoomBoom"!

After #5, Hubbs said that he really liked it.  Then he said that he wanted to make a grilled cheese. 

Ladies, we have a frontrunner.

Contact with the agency...finally

I spoke with our consultant tonight and she strongly recommended that I call the agency again.  I had called Friday after work, but no return call from the agency.  WTF?  So, I dialed the number, sure that I was going to get voicemail again, but there she was on the other end. 

She wasn't very forthcoming with information, as our consultant had warned, but she was cordial and answered the questions I had for her.  First and foremost, I asked how emom was doing.  She said that she just saw her today and that she was "doing great".  That was really good to hear.  I asked what she thought about me contacting emom since I usually just get her voicemail.  She suggested that I try her during the week (I had been calling on the weekends because that's when emom has free minutes).  So, I'm a bit confused about what to do, but at least she didn't tell me that emom doesn't want to hear from me. 

I asked about obtaining an attorney ("I'll handle that for you") and about the hospital where emom will deliver ("they know me very well there").  She received everything I sent, but hasn't had a chance to look over it.  (Consultant told me that she works at her own pace...Grr-e-a-ttttt.)  

I think that's about it.  Not a warm and fuzzy convo, but informative and to the point. 

          

Voicemail

All of my contact with the agency has been through our consultant or via e-mail.  Now that she has the contract and check, I gave her a call on Friday, but had to leave a message.  On the same note, I tried to call emom, but got voicemail yet again.  This was the third message I left for her over the last 3 weeks.  When I do speak with the agency person, I'm going to ask her thoughts on trying to contact her again.  Hopefully, emom is still in this....trying to think positively now.  If she is, it would help greatly to know if she now would prefer no contact.     

Check's in the mail

The contract and bulk of adoption money was sent to the agency this week.  That part makes it feel a little more real.  I spoke with our consultant who suggested that I touch base with the agency later this week and also with B, if possible.  She says that it's time to start thinking about the logistics (booking flights and hotel room, discussing emom's wishes for meeting us prior to the birth--or not).  The plan now is that hubbs and I will fly out 2 days before the planned induction date.  If B wants to meet with us, we'll be there.   

As for other things to get ready, I went to get bloodwork to meet the agency requirements.  Hubbs will be getting his done pretty soon. 

I've been picking up things here and there at T.arget and BRU.  I've found myself wondering if I should go for it and get the girly stuff....or stay gender neutral.  I bought the girly receiving blankets:) 

I called a local pediatrician's office.  They don't do interviews with expectant parents.  I can call when baby's here to make an appointment.   

We have less than 2 months to go now.  Wow. It's still very surreal and I feel that I'm going through the motions. It's difficult to believe that our life may be totally different in about 8 weeks.

In the meantime, I'll be thinking positive thoughts for my bloggy friend, RB, who is waiting for TPR (termination of parental rights) to be signed so that she and her husband can finally come home with Baby Mac.   








  

Update

Our consultant rocks...have I mentioned that before?  She emailed me today, just to check in and see if I've been in contact with B.  Funny she should ask....

I haven't talked with our consultant in over a week.  Until today, she didn't know about my inability to connect with B.  We're now working more directly with the agency (via email), so I didn't think to bother her with my worries.  After I emailed her back about the unanswered calls to B last week, she wrote that she was going to get on the horn with the agency.   This afternoon, she left me a detailed voicemail stating that she talked with the agency and learned that the agency director saw B this  past weekend.  B had the flu last week.  The last time I talked with B, she told me that her child was just getting over it.  I don't know if it was swine or seasonal flu.  She's feeling better.  I've been worried about her getting the flu since pregnant women are more at risk.  So, the agency said that B is still in..."not to worry".

I didn't get to talk with our consultant tonight, but we plan on touching base in the next day or so.       

Just some stuff...

I had a dentist appointment this evening and the dental hygienist was pregnant.  In the past, I know that a pregnant  person working on my teeth would have just pissed me off thoroughly, but it didn't this time.  I even asked her the due date and it happens to be about 3 weeks before emom's due date.  I don't know why I was surprised, but this girl was definitely pregnant.  Because I've hardly talked with B, I wouldn't really know how much she's showing, but I think seeing the hygienist gave me a good general gauge.    
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While Hubbs was working, I stopped by a local baby furniture place called Bab.y S.uper.mart.  I realized that I have been calling it BabysMar.t, as in Pet.sMart, the large pet store chain.  I was a pet owner for 13 years.  Some habits are hard to break. 

I had planned on just checking out their selection of cribs and gliders.  I ended up ordering a crib and an amazing swivel rocker gl.ider recliner.   Hubbs was a little disappointed that I didn't wait for him, but he's so busy with work, I don't know when he would have been willing and able to go with me.  Not to mention, I'm even more wishy-washy when I'm with him and he's not a big help.  "Whatever you like" is his typical reply when it comes to decision-making on items for the home.   I'm really happy with my selections. 

They told me 6-8 weeks for both to come in, although it may come in sooner.  It may seem a little presumptuous and premature to be making these purchases, especially with my uneasiness about our communication with B thus far.  But, I'm trying to stay positive.  In the store, I went back and forth in my mind about placing the order.  I finally decided that I'm going to stay in the present moment and do the best that I can to not be all gloom and doom about it.  In this present moment, we are matched and the little one has a beautiful crib on the way.    

I've always thought it would be a cool job to choose the names of paint colors

Dialogue on an early Sunday morning in the paint department of HD...

Hubbs:  Hi, I need to find a B.ehr paint color.  I don't have the paint chip, but I know the name...

Paint lady:  Oh that's OK.  I can look it up.  What's the name?

Hubbs:  Bavarian Cream (color of the nursery).

Paint lady:  Is that spelled with an "O"?

Hubbs:  (thrown off by the question, as he is not a good speller to begin with)  Uh, I'm not sure....

Paint lady:  (after a few minutes of searching in the computer) 
I can't find it.  OVARIAN Cream, right?

Hubbs:  What did you say?

Paint lady:  Ovarian Cream...I can't find it. 

Hubbs:  No! It's BUH-varian Cream! 

Hubbs is pretty dry when he tells stories.  I had just woken up when he told me this story and I almost peed my pajama pants.  In fact, I almost knocked him over to get into the bathroom, laughing hysterically for a good 10 minutes.  After I calmed down, he told me that her nametag said "Trainee" and she had no more than 3 teeth in her mouth.  More hysterics from me.  Hubbs was not as tickled, just annoyed by his morning.

I can't begin to imagine what actual paint color Ovarian Cream would be...ewwwwww.


 

Scary thoughts

We bought a rug for the nursery.  Hubbs is bringing up the topic of organic formula.  I've figured out the dates of my leave of absence and F.ML.A for work.  I'm gathering the documents we need for the agency (think homestudy process).  We're about to send out a large check to said agency.  I'm noticing that the days on my trusty ticker to the left seem to be moving more quickly. 

In little and some bigger ways, we're getting ready for the little one.  But something is missing, namely regular contact with emom.  Of the seven times I've called her, we've talked twice.  She hasn't made an effort to call me.  This is in sharp contrast to what we were told by the agency via our consultant soon after our match.... B is looking forward to contact with you now and throughout the pregnancy.  I'm really trying to not read too much into the lack of communication right now.  There's still about 10 weeks to go.  I have about 6 more weeks before I believe it will be totally reasonable for me to retreat to our bedroom and collapse into the fetal position, clutching our nearly depleted savings account statement in one hand and one of the 243 onesies I've somehow accumulated over the last several months in the other....if the level of communication remains the same.  Please excuse the the pathetic and graphic imagery.  As I mentioned above, we're about to send the agency the bulk of the money for this adoption.  I can't help but wonder if emom is not really into us or the adoption plan.  I imagine her screening my calls....rolling her eyes every time she sees my number pop up and saying, "Oh no, not this lady again.". 

I have to remind myself often that while adoption rules our life right now, it probably doesn't so much for her.  She is going into the last trimester of her pregnancy.  She has a young child whom she is parenting alone.  She has placed for adoption before and I'm not sure how much emotional support she has available to her.  From the little we have read about her, she has some issues in her life.  I wish that I knew how she was feeling.  We may not develop the "dream" adoptive mom-birth mom rapport and that would be okay, I guess.   Since the ball is in her court, that would have to be okay.   

At the same time, not having a lot of contact has allowed me to remain guarded.  If the match doesn't work out in the end, I cannot say that I won't be devastated.  But I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be if we actually developed some type of real relationship.  I realize that there's still a lot of time.  Who knows....over the next several weeks, maybe she'll answer the phone, or better yet, call me (not holding my breath) and we will be able to get past the small talk so that we can learn more about each other.  I'm hopeful that I'll have something more to tell our little one in the future about her birthmom and her half-sibling.


 


  

Diapering 101

Our preparations for the little one have focused mainly on the nursery.  Today, we took it another step further by attending a bab.y care c.lass. 

We drove just over an hour to a counseling center that is centered on adoption and infertility issues.  Sure, there are baby ca.re classes at our local hospitals, but we would have been surrounded by pregnant bellies and strange looks when it was noticed that I don't have the rotund silhouette of one who is preggers.  Funny that I'd rather have us drive 100 miles round trip than be in THAT situation.  Hell no. 

The class consisted of about 10 families in various stages of the adoption process.  I was surprised that the majority were just beginning the process, as in, waiting to have the homestudy visit or just finishing their profile.  I wouldn't have even considered attending a class like this when we were at those stages.  But in hindsight, I can see that it would be an ideal springboard to start the research and education on all things baby, even if in the early stages.

In the history of education, there cannot be a group of more earnest and knowledge-hungry adult learners than a bunch of first-time adoptive parents-to-be at a baby c.are class.  After this morning, I'm totally convinced of this.  During the class, I had a flashback to college lectures when the professor would say something that was for sure to be on the next test....most heads suddenly turned downward, every pen to paper, furiously writing down whatever testworthy statements he or she might say.  This class was no different in that respect.  However, this time, I was writing "6 to 8 wet diapers per day" and "nipple size changes at 3 mos".  And, lest I forget, "NO bathtub until the cord falls off!".  I'm looking at my notes from today and I actually wrote this.  With the exclamation point.  As you can tell, I was doing  the notetaking, but hubbs would nudge me as he took a sip of his coffee or give me a look as if to say, "Aren't you going to write that down?" when the instructor said something potentially earth-shattering such as, "Use room temperature water for the formula."

OK, so I'm making fun of our group of clueless future first-time parents (at least I knew that the hoodie on the towel is not just for decoration).  We're just a bunch of dorks afraid of doing something "wrong".  As hubbs said later, our parents didn't attend a parenting course of any kind...it seems to hubbs that much of parenting is common sense.  (I can't wait for the first opportunity to remind him that he said this...just kidding...no, I'm not).  We did agree that it was definitely a useful class and worth the drive.  The instructor gave a lot of practical tips and mentioned things that I wouldn't have known or thought to do.  Hubbs somehow managed to place his very first newborn diaper on a doll with long, matted blond hair, who looked more like a small 3 year old with severe hip dysplasia than an infant.  Oh, I'm sure he'll do just fine.  I was just glad that we didn't get the one doll that looked like the Brid.e of Chu.cky (it makes me sad that there might be someone out there that would goo.gle this movie....but I'm sure he's out there).       

On our way home, we decided to swing through a little area that is very popular with locals and tourists alike for it's strip of restaurants, eclectic shops and bed and breakfasts along the De.laware River.  Although it rained most of the afternoon, we checked out a few stores and had a very lovely and tasty lunch at a place overlooking the river.  How fitting that the town is named Ne.w Hope.  We had never been there until today.  

    

Small talk

I called B last night.  We only talked for a few minutes because I woke her up and I didn't want to keep her on the phone, but she sounded pleased to hear from me.  She said that she's getting big and her feet are swollen, but otherwise she's doing fine.  She didn't get the note that I had sent to her through the agency yet (sent it a week ago).  She said that she had been wanting to call, but her daughter was sick last week.  I told her that I hadn't called because I was falling asleep early lately the past few weekends.  I thought that her free minutes were limited to weekends after a certain time, but it sounds like the minutes are free for her any day after a specific evening hour.  So, B said that she would give me a call this week. 

According to my cell phone, the conversation lasted just under 3 minutes, so not a lot of time for anything other than small talk.  But it was good to be in touch with her again and know that she's doing well.   I hope that we can start talking on a more regular basis.    

Randomness

I went to a family wedding yesterday.  Hubbs had to work, so I went solo with my parents and little bro.  It was really nice to see family I haven't seen in YEARS.  At the reception, the question, "Do you have kids?" came up more than once (usually preceded by, "You're married, right?", followed by, "How long have you been married?").  I didn't mention the adoption because they're not close family and they'll hear the news from my mom after the fact.  Secondly, I don't want to jinx things. 

Weddings always make me a little sad.  I look at the happy couple and can't help but think about how happy, innocent, and optimistic we were when we got married ten years ago.  We're still happy.  I can also say we're a stronger couple for what we've gone through.  However, I'm definitely more cynical and sometimes bitter about the road we've traveled to get where we are now.  It really bothers me that infertility has changed me in that way.        
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It was time to turn in our old car lease, so we went car shopping this past week.  We decided to get a M.ercury M.ariner because of a really good lease deal ($100 less per month than our old car payment) and I really like it.  It has S.YNC technology, which means I can talk on my phone hands-free.  Neat-o.   
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Mostly everyone who needs to know at work about our adoption now knows that I'll be taking leave for 3 months starting in January.  I just have to tell one of my "bosses" (he's in the office 2 half days per week).  The management will be having a meeting early next week and they want to talk about how they're going to deal with my absence, so I just have to inform the one big boss about my plan when I see him on Tuesday.    I thought that since I have the luxury of time, I would give as much notice as I'm taking off.  Plus, I have a big project to hand off, so I wanted to get the people filling in for me enough training on what I do.  I'm now trying to decide exactly how long I'll be out (12-14 weeks).  Not all of it will be paid time off, but I'm lucky to have about 6 weeks of sick time that I am allowed to use.     
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My friend Marcie will be traveling this week to Korea for the adoption of her little boy!  I'm so excited for her!  Please wish her and her husband the best as they complete their family:)
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I've noticed that there have been some possible matches, matches, and placements happening with my bloggy friends.  I'm thinking positive thoughts and best wishes for everyone.....
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ETA:  Go Phillies!!

It always comes down to money

We finally received the contract from the agency that is working with B.  Along with the contract came the expenses and fees estimate.  My jaw about dropped when I saw it because it was more than expected.  I was on the verge of tears all day because the total cost listed was a possible dealbreaker.  I talked with our c.onsultant who strongly recommended that I send a nice (she knows me well already) email inquiring about the cost discrepancy.  So I did, pointing out the difference from what was quoted when we decided to submit our profile back in August.   

I received an email from the agency tonight.  It turns out that it was a mistake.  B's expenses are actually lower than what the agency sent.  The agency person apologized.  My blood pressure is coming back down.  I'm obviously relieved.  This morning, I was thinking that this match may very well be kaput due to money.   

I just hope there are no more surprises or scares like that.  I won't hold my breath on that though.  This adoption thing is not for the faint of heart... 

Planning ahead for #2 and preparing for #1

This is a bit premature (OK, very premature), but we already have thoughts about a second adoption.  I'm knocking on wood as I write this, because I feel like I'm jinxing adoption #1. 

To recount briefly, before we signed with our c.onsultant in June, we had been working with a f.acilitator since January '08.  I finally talked with her last week to let her know about the match through our c.onsultant.  She gave me the option to put our profile on hold or to keep it open if we're interested in "artificial tw.inning".  In case you're not sure what that term means, artificial twinn.ing would occur if after our 1st placement, we were matched again and had another placement with a baby very close in age to the first child.  Uh, so, a big no on the artifici.al tw.inning for us.  I asked that she put our profile on hold for now and I agreed to keep her updated and let her know when we are ready to reactivate our file.

We have already plunked down a large amount of money with the f.acilitator, so I can't help but think about adopting a second time.  Otherwise, we will take quite a hit.  Being on hold is a sort of savings account (that doesn't accrue interest) for little one #2.  Now, if it all works out this way, it would be wonderful.  The savings account only works with the fa.cilitator, of course.  We would have to count on her, and only her, to try to get us matched...again.  I worry if it would happen at all or if it did, how long it would take because we didn't even get close to a match after 21 months.  In fact, our profile rarely went out during that time. 

I'm aware that my feelings about adopting a second time might change once we finally have a child in our home.  Maybe I won't feel as antsy and be willing to wait longer or maybe I'll be too overwhelmed to start the process again right away or maybe we'll decide to write off the money and be parents to only one child (I'm not a big fan of the last 'maybe', primarily because it's a lot of money to just write off and we do want 2 kids).  All of these thoughts are really for another day. 

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Back to reality and the present, I went to BRU today to get some stuff for my cutie-patootie niece and  ended up spending a couple of hours there doing some "research".  I checked out crib bedding, sat in the gliders, looked at the car seats, and bought 2 boxes of diapers on sale and some pink Ca.rter's outfits.  We may get a glider this week because the sale ends on Thursday (15% off, plus I have a $15 gift card from buying the diapers).  The gliders and ottomans they had on display looked and felt as though pro football linebackers (WITH full equipment) glide away on them regularly.  Sheesh. 

Anyone have recommendations for a glider?  I like the ones that look like oversized chairs.

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Go Phils!        

It's a niece!

I had the absolutely wonderful experience of being present during the birth of my beautiful new niece very early this morning at 2:42am.  I am extremely honored that I was there with my sister and brother-in-law.  My sister was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.  This was a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and she worked so hard and pushed that baby out like a pro.  No drugs.  I am so proud of her.  And it was so fast!

My new niece is adorable and sweet.  She was very alert and chilled out.  Everything was calm and serene with just the midwife, a nurse, BIL, and me in the room, the lights were low, and music was playing in the background.  I have seen births before in a large, urban teaching hospital when I was in nursing school.  If I were to ever give birth, I would want it the way my sister did it.  I fully realize that this is easy for me to say when I know there is a snowball's chance in hell that a pregnancy is in my future.  If it did happen, it's very likely that I would chicken out and opt for the drugs.         

My little sis was very cute....soon after the baby was born and we learned it was a girl, she looked at me, visibly spent but with a big smile on her face, and said, 'we're going to have girls together!'  I'm so looking forward to it.    

Weekend warriors

We've declared war on the "nursery" and I'm now feeling confident enough to get rid of the quotes around the word. Hubbs had a 4-day weekend and he kicked butt. I have to toot my own horn and say that I was a hell of an assistant/gofer/holder-of-wood-so-that-it-may-be-cut/trim painter. Here's some proof:

To recap...this was one month ago. Yikes.

This was on Sunday.  And yes, that is an air conditioner in the closet.  A ginormous one, might I add.  What, you've never seen/heard of an air conditioner in a closet?  You must live in a normal house then.  The plan is for that to be a bookcase (AC will be concealed).  The carpet was removed and the hardwoods don't look too bad.  The previous owners used another carpet as padding.  The back of that carpet disintegrated and hubbs is sweeping up the remains.  It's nothing some cleaning (and an area rug) won't fix.

The work continues...

Moving ahead

Hubbs and I finally got it together...we're staying with the match.

Thanks to all for your support and advice via blog post and email!

Going around and around

I'm dizzy.  And mentally drained.  These last few days have been spent doing a lot of thinking and introspection...thinking about my fears and insecurities, about expectations, and how we see ourselves as a family.  Hubbs and I have had a couple of talks about the situation.  After really thinking about what I want and feeling ready to open my heart to this baby, I'm learning that he isn't quite ready to say the same.  For him, it comes down to the veracity of B and the apparent inability of the agency to get accurate information at the start.  Other than that....well, he can't seem to get past that.  We have not had direct contact with the agency and have not yet signed a contract or paid anything other than the application fee.  Our c.onsultant has been the go between.  She tells me that they work with this agency often, have a good working relationship, and have had many successful placements with them.  I have a lot of trust in our c.onsultant.  She adopted domestically less than a year ago as a client of this same consultant group and I feel like she has been nothing but upfront, non-judgemental, and responsive. 

This seems to be a common statement on my blog, but hubbs has been very busy with work.  OK, I can understand that.  But he told me that he hasn't had a chance to think about it much....wtf?  After work, he's been usually working on the "nursery".  That alone doesn't have him thinking about it??  It's amazing to me that he's able to stuff all of his feelings down into the deep recesses of his brain. 

I was discouraged to hear that hubbs isn't able to get past how we learned of the information....and I realize that he hasn't given himself a chance to process everything.  I reminded him that this process is about taking a leap of faith.  There are no guarantees and no crystal ball.   No polygraphs either.  I can't have us being in limbo for much longer.  We're in this together, so if he's not on board, I can't be either.           

Mixed emotions

I tried to call B again on Sunday and I had to leave another message.  I kept it short and sweet and invited her to call me whenever, if she wanted to.  She only has free weekend minutes, so I don't expect a call back soon, if at all.   

On Tuesday, I got a call from our con.sultant.  She talked with B's agency.  The agency director saw B in her office that day.  According to her, everything is still good.  She's still on board with us.  However....

Our consulta.nt passed onto us some information that she learned from the agency director.  Without getting into any details, this new information was a bit of a curveball.  Truthfully, it may affect our desire to continue the match.  We still have to process a lot of the information.  We don't want to continue just for the fact that we've waited so long and, quite frankly, we're feeling desperate, just as much as we don't want to pull out of the match for the "wrong" reasons.  Since I'm giving no details, I'm sure that I make no sense.  I'm confused myself and there are a lot of things going on in my head right now.

It's one of those things where you wish someone would just tell you what to do...and then you realize you're a grown up and you have to actually make a decision.    

Contact via voicemail

Last time I spoke to B, we agreed on being in contact again on Saturday night.  Every time I thought about calling her today, I got a twinge of nervousness in my gut.  I've been practicing in my head what I would say and what I shouldn't say.  I haven't felt this way since my dating days.  I called...and got voicemail.  I left a message.  All I can say is that I sounded awkward.  There was even an uncomfortable silence during my already bumbling message.  Ugh.  

I'll try again tomorrow. 

First contact

Our c.onsultant emailed me today with B's phone number.   I decided to give her a call after work.  We didn't have a set time for this first call and I was told that we can call her "whenever".  Hubbs sat at the kitchen table with me, staring at me while I was chatting with B.  Our conversation was a bit awkward initially, which is what I expected, but overall, I think it went well.  Basically, I told her that we just wanted to let her know that we are thinking of her, hope that she is doing well, and are excited and happy that she chose us.  That was my main objective for this phone call.  We talked some about her due date, what she wants to happen at the hospital, and did a little more small talk.  After about ten minutes, she asked me to call her back on the weekend when she has free minutes. 

She thought we knew this already...it's a girl! 

It's feeling more real.

Day 10 of "the room" makeover

Nope.  Still not ready to call "that room" the nursery.  So far, it's been an utter debacle that has included gallons of spackle, primer, latex paint, and finally, oil-based paint.  To recap, we scraped off the wallpaper, 2 layers of it, over a week ago.  What was left was a green, the color of hospital scrubs, on the walls, which I assumed was paint.  Hubbs thought he would spackle where need be and then we could primer and paint.  He spackled and sanded, spackled and sanded.  Primer, then a gallon of paint.  OK, fine.

Then, we had 80+% humidity on Saturday and along with the water-based primer and paint, some fierce bubbling was going on.  Hubbs confirmed that the green "paint" was actually wallpaper.  Not that I would have thought any different at the time.  We realized too late (duh!) that we should have used oil-based over the wallpaper.  Wallpaper-removal rookie mistake.  Back to H.ome D.epot we went and the room received a gallon of oil-based primer.  The smell from the oil-based was, in a word, overpowering.  To resolve this, hubby just painted one coat of the latex paint tonight, which seemed to work well.   
 

Through the toxic fumes over the weekend, I got the bright idea that this is what we're going to do throughout the rest of the house, which is about 95% wallpaper.  I think I'm done with scraping.

No contact information for the emom yet.  Still waiting to talk with her.     

Sept 5th

Sept 14th

An e-mail can do so much

Work continues around the house.  I'm trying to remain calm, cool, and collected....but I do get the occasional butterflies when I think about the baby who will hopefully be in our arms soon.

I talked with our c.onsultant last night for our weekly check-in.  At that time, she didn't have much news to give from the agency.  She is always encouraging and calming to me.  She was in my shoes not very long ago and it gives me hope hearing her child's adoption story.     

Hubby worked late, so I watched a movie last night, which I rarely get to do.  "He's J.ust Not. That In.to You".  I've only had it from Netfl.ix for 3 months.  It wasn't worth holding onto it for that long. 

This morning, I received an email from our c.onsultant that she sent not long after we spoke:

 Hi E

I left you a long rather rambling message. The upshot is that I just spoke with [adoption agency director]. She did receive your application and she is processing that. I inquired about a time line for receiving the contract and she was unable to give a date but stated that she was working on it. She did say that she would send me B's contact info so that you can go ahead and call her. She reminded me that B has placed a child with her agency before and that she is familiar with the process. She also indicated that B is looking forward to contact with you now and throughout the pregnancy. [Agency director] would also like for you to begin making sure that you have all of the required documentation. I will double check the list and your home study but I am almost certain that you already have everything that is required. There is no need to mail those things now but it's probably a good idea to check the list. I will let you know as soon as I get contact info. I hope this helps to know that everything is moving along.

M

Hubby and I read it together.  We haven't heard much since the call almost 2 weeks ago.  It goes without saying that we both had big smiles on our faces.  We're keeping our fingers crossed, not letting our guard down entirely, but jumping in with our whole hearts (advice from a good friend.  Thanks Col;))  What a tightrope it is to walk between the protecting and leaping forward....I'm gonna need a net. 

I think we're going to tell our parents tomorrow.  And maybe we'll get to talk with emom this weekend:)

Icebreakers, questions, be prepared, and avoid these like the plague

Last night, hubby and I had our 'birthparent consultation'.  We were provided the opportunity to speak with a staff member of our consultant group, who also happens to be a birthparent.  L regularly counsels adoptive parents-to-be prior to contact with a birthparent.  We were so glad to speak with someone who has experienced adoption from the other perspective.  L became a birth mom about 20 years ago and was recently reunited with her daughter.      

Needless to say, I was taking notes like a madwoman.  We thought that L gave a lot of good information.  Overall, it was a pretty valuable experience.  She suggested taking notes during our conversation(s) with emom, then journaling in a baby book.  Love that idea! 

I mentioned this consultation in an earlier post and a few people asked that I post the tips afterwards. I aim to please, so here are some tidbits.   

Some things to remember in general:
~ Be optimistic, supportive, and excited!  BUT also balance that with the knowledge that emom is experiencing a loss. 
~ Use positive adoption language, remember that during this time, this is "her baby" not "our baby", no judgements, sympathize with her about this difficult decision

Icebreaker ideas:
~ Ask how she's feeling. 
~ What are her interests or hobbies? 
~ If emom is parenting a child or children, ask about them.   How is this pregnancy different than her last or other pregnancies? 

Questions for emom:
~ Why did she decide to choose us? 
~ What do you want your child to know about you? 
~ How does her family feel about adoption plan?   Who is her support system?
~ If the child asks why you chose adoption, what do you want us to tell him or her? 
~ In what ways does she think the adoption will change her?  Or if she has placed a child before, how was  
her previous adoption experience? 
~ What kind of future contact do want with him or her? 
~ Ask about her plans for the hospital.
~ What kind of communication does she want during the pregnancy?

Be prepared for these possible questions:
~ How was our relationship with our own families?
~ What kind of parents do we think we will be?
~ How do we plan to discipline?
~ How were we disciplined as kids?
~ How and when will we tell him or her about adoption?
~ How will we handle questions about his/her birth family?

Avoid:
~ Discussion of adoption logistics (i.e. financial)
~ If birth father is not in the picture, don't bring him up first.  Let her take the lead on that topic.   

Of course, this list of suggestions should not be read verbatim as if firing off questions.  We'll see how the conversation unfolds and go from there.  She recommended that we have the list in front of us in case there are lulls in the conversation.   

We're hoping that we are able to talk with her soon.  We're still in the midst of doing administrative stuff with the agency. 

No, it's not the inside of a Turkish prison...it's the nursery

I read the latest post from Denver Jen and I started to get nursery envy.  The nursery for their soon-to-be bambino is simply beautiful.  I thought I would share some pictures of our "nursery".  The quotes will remain whenever I mention this room until it no longer resembles a room where hostages are kept. 

Our recent match has apparently lit a flame under someone's butt around here.  We moved into our 70+ year old house in December.  The previous owners were an elderly couple who had lived here since the 1950's.  Much of the work looks DIY and the craftsmanship leaves much to be desired.  It is very obvious, yet understandable because of the previous owners' advanced ages, that the last updates to the house were done in the late 70's-early 80's.   We knew that going in.  Every room has to be gutted/updated.

Hubby started a new job in May, which has him very stressed busy, so the demolition/construction that started on the first floor pretty much came to a standstill at around the same time.  It's not going to get easier.  He works for a pr.o footb.all team.  With the footb.all season officially starting soon, he will not have much time to do any work around here.  On top of that, his parents will soon be moving and they need some odd jobs done around their place to get it ready to be put on the market. 

This weekend, he got to work tearing down the wood paneling in the soon-to-be "nursery".  Underneath said paneling were 2 layers of dried-out and yellowed wallpaper, circa 1951(?).  If I were a wallpaper anthropologist, that would be my guess.  I do know that this was the bedroom of their 2 daughters and the 1st layer had ballerinas on it.  It was kind of cute, in a [very] shabby chic way. 

We scraped all of the wallpaper off...did I mention 2 layers?....and pulled out a million nails on Saturday afternoon.  It was a mess.  The walls are plaster and bowing out significantly in one area.  Rather than tear the plaster out and drywall the entire room, hubby is going to try to salvage the walls that he can.  Don't you love the blood red carpet?  When I vacuum it, the clear cannister turns the same color!  Oy vey.   We looked under the carpet.  There is another carpet, in zebra print(?), and underneath that, seemingly very lovely dark hardwoods.            

We were going to go away for a 4-day weekend starting on Friday.  We decided instead to put the money towards the house.  We'll be spending our 4 days off working around here and hopefully getting some things done.  

 

Yesterday, he skim coated the walls.  I did some painting on the first floor.  Hubby had to go into work today...he's a un.ion carpen.ter and is working on Labor Day.  I think that's sacrilegious or something. 

He should be laboring here, don't 'cha think? 

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I'm overwhelmed and so grateful for all of the good wishes being sent our way.  Thanks so much for the supportive words!  It means a lot to me.  It's still a shock, but right now, we're basking in the glow of being matched.  Finally, a baby for us.  Hopefully. 

We are hoping to speak with the expectant mom (emom) soon.  But first, we have to "apply" to become clients of the agency emom is with, which entails filling out the 16 page application and paying the application fee.  A formality really, but I feel like we're doing our homestudy again.  I'm mailing our application tomorrow.  Our consultant thinks that maybe in a week or so, we'll have contact. 

Our consultant group has a first mom on staff who does a one-hour phone consultation on the do's and don'ts of talking with the emom, so we're going to take advantage of that.  I set that up for the day after Labor Day. 

We decided to tell our siblings (my sister and BIL, his sister and BIL, and his brother and SIL), but swore them to secrecy.  They were all so excited for us.  We'll wait to tell our parents until at least after our first phone contact with emom.  Then, maybe it will feel more real to us.      

Is this really happening?

I woke up feeling a bit under the weather this morning.  My neck is still bothering me.  So, I decided to go into work late today.  I've never done that before. I either call out of work entirely or just go in.  I called to let them know that I'll be in around noon-ish.

I started to mill around and got a hankering for some french toast.  I needed some comfort food.  I was mid-flip of the french toast and my cell phone rang...our consultant, M, was calling and it was 7:45am. 

"Are you home?"  Yes.  "Is T home?"  No, he's at work.  What's up?  "Are you sitting down?" 

It turns out that the potential birth mom (pbm) who I thought was looking at profiles this week, actually looked at them this weekend...and...drum roll, please....

She chose us!!!!!

We're matched!(?)  Is this really happening?  OK, so what do we do now?  "You're going to be a mom."

I can't exactly remember anything else that M said, but after thanking her profusely, I called my hubby.  He was equally dumbfounded and happy and he started asking me questions.  "OK, so what do we do now?" 

There are more details we have yet to receive and figure out, of course.   But, it looks like we're matched.  (Did I really just write that?)  Baby, gender unknown, due in January (we think).  That's one of the details we have to get nailed down.  It could possibly be sooner (gulp!). 

I think that I have to send a special shout out to C.onnie Ch.ung.       

Very early Saturday morning ramblings

This week, my sister-in-law (and good friend), her husband, and their 2 daughters moved 3,000 miles to the west coast to start a new life there. My hubby (her brother) and I are sad, but happy and excited for them...and then we're sad again...and yet excited about the new opportunities for them. Needless to say, there are mixed feelings for us and many others. I do know that they will be happy there and do well. Our nieces are starting at their new school next week. SIL has always been a great source of support to me and I'll miss being able to see and hang out with all of them whenever we had the chance. I'll miss my weekly walks with my SIL when we would catch up. We were both so busy that it didn't happen as often as we would have liked. Oh, the things we take for granted. E-mail and texting are good things...

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My bathroom mini-renovation (my independent pet project in the house) is nearing completion. The plan is to eventually do a gut and complete re-do of the bathroom, but that is on the back burner for now. I got my inspiration from this L.owe's DIY magazine picture.

BEFORE--move-in day

yucky shower doors, pink walls, seashell border, pink curtains

AFTER--8 months later

Less pink, not pretty, but slightly better

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Hubby is employed by the National F.ootball L.eague team in our area. One of the perks is the annual BBQ at the home of the team owner to kick off the regular season. This was our first year, so I was excited but didn't know what to expect. There were some celebrity sightings, including a certain superstar who fell from grace because of inh.umane acts related to dogs and a certain former P.la.yboy bunny who was on a reality show with her elderly boyfriend and his other girlfriends and is now married to one of the players. I did get to personally thank the team owner as he walked by for having us at his beautiful (read: straight out of Arc.hitecture Digest, museum-like) home. The weather sucked, which was unfortunate because it was very family-friendly with several kiosks set up for kids' games and activities. Lots of babies, lots of trophy wives, lots of bling-bling. Then we went home and made pizza.

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Our consultant has sent us 2 situations this past week. We've decided to pass on submitting our profile to either for different reasons. It sucks, but I know that it was right for us.

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I woke up at 4am today with a ginormous and literal pain in the neck, which has been going on for about a week. I couldn't get comfortable at all, so I came downstairs to watch some TV. The only thing on was a biography of C.onnie Chung. I was very surprised to learn that she and her husband, M.aury Po.vich had adopted a newborn son after several infertility treatments and miscarriages. I assumed they didn't have any children, but they are very private when it comes to him. In the mid-1990s, she was a co-anchor on the CB.S Night.ly News but it didn't work out (D.an R.ather--that bastard!) and she was fired. The week that she was fired, they learned that their son was born. She said that it was then that she knew that things happen for a reason. This got me thinking.

Was there a reason that I was able to see that particular show on that particular person when I'm recently coming out of a depressive state (other than the fact that the only other TV offerings consisted of mainly informercials before daybreak and I couldn't reach the remote because of my debilitating neck pain)? Could this be the universe signaling impending long-awaited good fortune on the baby front? I mean, come on....read the writing on the wall along with me, will you? Connie's Asian, I'm Asian. Maury's white, hubbs is white. Connie is a world-renowned and respected news personality and I, well, uh, I've...watched the news. They went through IF and eventually adopted a child they adore. We went through IF and waiting to be able to feel and say the same. Another thing I found relatable was when she stated that she didn't "embrace" the thought of adoption at first. I could defintely say the same, especially during and right after the IVFs. But, she said that once she opened her heart to it, she wished they did it a lot sooner. Me too.

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If you're still reading, re-read the title of this post. You were duly warned.

Coming out of it

I've been feeling down and discouraged for longer than I expected. The good news is, I think I'm coming out of it. It wasn't just the fact that not much has gone on related to adoption in the last week and a half (and 19 months)...there have been other things going on that compounded it. There are too many things and emotions to mention here. That's for another post.

I received a call from the consultant yesterday. I learned that the potential birth mom (pbm) due in January has an appointment with her agency next week to look at profiles for the first time. I just assumed that she already looked and passed us over by now...I sent our profile 2 weeks ago. So, I guess that was some promising news. We still have a chance. It is strange to actually know when she'll be looking at them...possibly perusing our book a little longer than the others, or throwing it back into the pile. I'm not sure that I enjoy knowing when this review process will happen.

Vent #7,542 (and counting!)

I was invited to a "sprinkle" for my sister who is expecting in October. This is her 2nd baby, so instead of a shower...get it? I thought it was cute. Anyway, her close friends planned this and it is friends who are invited. Our mom and her MIL weren't invited. It was really nice of them to include me. But I think that I'm going to RSVP no. I feel guilty about it, but it really is for her to get together with her girlfriends, who for the most part, I don't really know well. I had planned on getting a mani/pedi for her and me sometime soon. So, I think I'm going to stick with that, rather than subject myself to the "sprinkle". A part of me feels badly too that I didn't take the initiative to plan something for her. I threw her a shower when she was pregnant with my nephew. I can't do it this time, so I'm really happy that her friends have stepped up.
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Speaking of my sister, she asked me to be there for her when she goes into labor. My BIL may be out of town for work, so in the event that occurs, I'll be his stand-in until he gets there. This was the same set-up for baby #1, but it turned out I wasn't needed that time. I'm hoping that I'm needed this time around, even if it's for a little bit.
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There have been so many matches on my blog list...which is really wonderful. I'm so happy for my bloggy friends who are moving out of limbo, AKA 'The Wait', and much closer towards their dreams! At the same time, naturally, it's made me go into kind of a funk and feel sorry for myself. I'm also feeling surrounded by pregnancy and birth announcements. It's been a little while since my last funk, so I'm about due for one. Anyway, it just seems so unreasonable and frustrating to me that we've been waiting for a child as long as we've had. It will soon be 10 years since we've been trying to have a family. I know we're not the only ones to have to wait, everyone has to wait...but for this freaking long??? And yes, I'm going to go there....

WHY US?

Nothing has gone our way in the past 9+ years...not with infertility treatments and now, with the adoption process, it hasn't been as promising as I thought it would be when we started this journey. I didn't expect us to still be waiting at this point. Who does, right? Things have picked up a bit since we signed with another adoption person, so it gives me a flicker of hope. I'm just fed up with being ultra-patient, standing on the sidelines, just a bystander...watching.
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My 'funks' typically don't last more than 48 hours, so keep tuning in.

8 Ways to Save M.oney on B.aby Care article

The thought of getting prepared for baby has me overwhelmed at times. Preparing for baby, on top of the adoption costs and renovating our home...it really adds up. I'm already planning on doing a lot of the things mentioned. The article makes a lot of sense, especially about registries.

Here's the recent S.martM.oney article. FYI there is a very short "commercial" before you get to the article.

8 Ways to Save Money on Baby Care

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Profiles are flying off the shelf

OK, so I'm exaggerating, but from my viewpoint it really does seem that way. I talked with our consultant (love talking with her) and we decided to send our profile to a pbm who is due in January. It went in the mail today.

She also recommended that we send a profile to a few of the agencies that they work with. These particular agencies will not charge us any fees to keep our profile "in-house". I thought that this was a great idea and I'm so happy that we can even do this. Our consultant feels that it will be good for the agencies to be familiar with us through our profile and it will be more convenient for everyone if a situation comes their way that needs immediate attention.

I have to order more profiles! I'll be sending out about 5 in the next few days!

Our profile is FINALLY getting out there:)

Some August action...

Our profile is finally getting a bit of action. And when I say, "action", I use the word in the literal sense. "Action" meaning our profile moved from a shelf and traveled somewhere.

I checked in with our facilitator and learned that our profile went out recently. Wow. It hasn't gone out in months. I have since learned that we were not chosen, but trying to look on the bright side of things that our facilitator didn't forget about us. I'm reaching, I know. After hearing about the situation, it was actually a stab in the dark on the part of our facilitator. E for effort, I guess.

Also, I'm talking with our consultant later today to discuss a situation that was sent to us earlier this week. The pbm is due in January. I think we're going to submit our profile. We'll see after I talk with the consultant.

Not made of money, continued...a vent

Thanks for the replies to my previous post about the exorbitant costs related to adoption. I didn't really get an answer to my request for a breakdown of the cost. I was told that some agencies will give a breakdown, while others will disclose after the match. I think that type of information is necessary for us to make a decision about submitting our profile. Anyway, no matter...the cost isn't even in our ballpark, so we didn't need to make a decision. It was already made for us. I was told that this agency has fees higher than most that they deal with. Why?? Apparently, the agency does refund birthparent expenses or rolls it into another situation if the match falls through. However, I'm going to tell our consultant that we don't need to see situations from this particular agency (aka money-hungry jerks).

Adoption scam story on the news

I can't believe that there are people who would actually do this...scumbag(s)!!! Makes me want to go private, even though I don't really post a lot of pictures. Scary.
Massachusetts Mother Horrified to See Son for Adoption on Craigslist - ABC News

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Unfortunately, we're not made of money

We were asked if we wanted to be considered for a situation today. We need a bit more information, more out of curiosity. I would really like to know why the fee is what it is...the "estimated" cost boggles my mind. We were just given a flat fee number, so I want to know the itemized costs. Again, out of curiosity...

If it weren't for the cost, we would probably want our profile to be sent. The financial part of adoption just sucks.

What's wrong with you?...revisited

I feel like I've been more open about our adoption lately, but not to close family and friends. At work, I've told people about signing with the consultant and the 2 quick situations that came up but ultimately decided to pass on being considered. 

Close family and friends don't really ask about our adoption these days and I can't say I blame them. Nothing is ever going on for us in the family-building department.  We first announced our plans to adopt over 18 months ago. It's really feeling like our TTC days, when people stop asking. I feel that they must be wondering what's wrong with us or what we haven't done right....I wonder the same things sometimes.

I had a check-in call with our consultant this past week. Nothing new there (I think that I should rename my blog 'Nothing new' because it certainly fits). So, we discussed other stuff...it's really nice to talk with her because she is a relatively new adoptive mom. We talked about buying baby items and showers. I still don't want a shower, but probably a party after our baby is here. After we talked, I received a thoughtful email from her about having a shower, that I shouldn't deprive myself of this 'rite of passage', that our friends and family will want to have something for us, etc.

Still don't want a shower. Maybe it's partly bitterness, partly the fact that I've shunned showers for so long, partly the fear that it won't work out if we have a shower prior to placement...there's a lot of parts, I think. A welcome home party after we have our baby in our arms feels right to me.

Find on craigslist

Last week I started perusing craigslist and found a local listing for a p.eg p.erego aria OH (one hand!) for $100. The woman said that they had 4 strollers for their 10-month old and this one was used once. We live a town away from each other, so we met at the Target. It was in great shape and looked like it was never used. So, I bought it. My first purchase on craiglist and I think it was a good one!

Head spins and other calamities

Let's see...so where did I last leave off? My last post was me moaning about my birthday. Also, we had just signed with an a.doption c.onsultant. There's been some activity going on, but nothing HUGE. Some of the interesting tidbits over the last 2 weeks are listed below:

a) 7/6 Talked with our "actual" consultant, M, for the first time. I really like her. I especially like that she and her husband went through the adoption process themselves less than a year ago. She wants to touch base at least once a week(?!).

b) 7/14 M wanted to introduce herself to hubby on the phone, so they talked for a few minutes. Before she was supposed to call, hubby admitted to me that he was a little nervous. I had to remind him that she is working for us and she wasn't planning on interrogating him! Anything she asked him was to help her to help us. I thought it was kind of cute that he was a bit anxious about it. He really liked her too.

c) 7/15 Called our f.acilitator to check in. She said that we were profiled once in the last month, but another couple was chosen very quickly. Nothing else is going on with our profile. I informed her that we signed with another adoption pro. She kind of poo-poo'ed it for a minute or two and sounded disappointed. I reminded her that we have been waiting 18 months , which caused her to back off a bit. She said that she understood why we felt the need to add another resource. She said that since we wanted to adopt two children and if the consultant matched us first, she would put our profile on hold. We would just need to let her know when we were ready for #2. I realize that she doesn't have a lot of control about who actually matches and what types of situations come across her desk. She said that she wanted to be the first one to help us match. So, hopefully this will give her extra motivation to get this accomplished.

d) 7/15 evening Call from consultant M. She emailed us an intake on a potential birthmom who was going to look at profiles the next day and were we interested? We ended up deciding not to send our profile. Our criteria didn't match up as well as we would like. We feel that after all of this time waiting and money invested, we should stick to our guns and wait for the situation we really hope to be considered for and chosen.

e) 7/16 I was at work getting ready for a busy afternoon. Consultant M called about a healthy baby girl already born three days earlier. The bmom wanted a closed adoption, was in the Midwest, was unsure of who the bfather was, had some questionable drug and alcohol use, and the cost was at the very tip-top of our budget because she was not approved for Medicaid. Oh and by the way, M added, the family that says yes first will have a daughter and needs to be on a plane by tomorrow. Say what? She needed to know within the next 15 minutes. It was about this time that my head started spinning and my mind raced. I called hubby at his work, we discussed it quickly and decided we had to pass. Some second-guessing went on in my head (on top of the spinning) as this was as sure a thing as they get, but M eased my mind and said that she could hear it in my voice right from the get-go. She said that while we probably won't ever feel 100% about a situation for whatever reason, we will know when we are ready and willing to go for it. I appreciated her saying that because I was feeling silly that we are turning anything down at this point. I so hope that the family that was meant to have that baby girl already has her in their arms or are on their way to get her. I'm excited for them.

f) Because of the above, I finally informed my boss, who is the last of 'who need to know' at work, of our adoption plans. When I said that I had something to tell him, he said, "Let me guess...you're pregnant." Not quite was my reply.

In those 2 days, I learned first-hand that working with 2 different adoption entities are 2 entirely different experiences...like night and day in regards to approach and amount of contact. How and who matches us is still anyone's guess though.

Also during this period, we got some very bad news. My MIL was diagnosed with a recurrence of cancer. She is a breast cancer survivor. There is some more testing to be done before we know the severity and the treatment. Needless to say, we are worried, scared, and upset that she has to go through this again.