What's been going on...

Whoa...15 posts in November. I've been quite prolific this month. You'd think that I got matched or something. Nope. Just getting the hang of this blogging thing, I think.

On the moving front, we'll be getting out of here the weekend of Dec. 19th. Lucky for us, we put an addendum in the agreement of sale that says we can rent back from our buyer for up to a month. We're aiming to get out ASAP, but it's not going to happen on settlement day. Kind of glad about that, because that would be craziness. Not that it won't be crazy moving the weekend before Christmas. Fortunately for us, we have wonderful friends and family willing to give us a hand that weekend. Got the carpet cleaners and the cable installer lined up for that weekend too:)

We've had a birth in our extended family and I've had some bloggy friends getting matched!! Special shout out to my friend, Reggie Boppy for her recent match. Check out her wonderful blog and send her your best wishes for a successful placement!

No news from the facilitator, even with that buzz of activity going on recently there. Guess we weren't part of that. Boo. Back to standing on the sidelines...I'll check in with her next week.

I need to work on the Christmas shopping. And I'll have to get in touch with our social worker to update the home study after we move. Other than that, not much else going on right now.

Thankful

Thanksgiving is upon us. The holidays will be here before we know it. And this year, with the move, I'm not totally in the Christmas spirit. Until....

My lovely sister-in-law, L, had an idea to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas for her, me, and our other sister-in-law. She knows someone who is going through a difficult time right now dealing with a very young daughter who was diagnosed with eye cancer. Besides it being an emotionally, mentally, and physically difficult time dealing with a seriously ill child, from what I understand, it's also a tough time for the family financially. There are also 3 other kids in the family.

So, L had this idea for the 3 of us to plan, prepare, cook, and deliver Christmas dinner for them on Christmas Eve. I hope this brings a little joy to them. It's just like L to not only want to do this, but to put a plan in action. Not to mention, she has her hands full with 2 daughters of her own.

It humbles me and I'm a bit ashamed. I can get stuck at times thinking the "woe is me" thing and "why us?" and sometimes I need a little reminder about how fortunate I truly am. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes getting out of my bubble and hearing about others who are truly struggling to remind myself of this.

I may hate to get up at 6am to go to work, but I have a job. I have student loans out the wazoo, but I have an education. My mother drives me nuts sometimes, but my parents are alive and healthy. My siblings and I may not be on the same page with certain things, but we always have each others' backs. I have a supportive and loving family. My husband gives me many reasons to love him more each day after 9 years. And, not many people can say this, but I truly enjoy being with my in-laws. I get along with my sisters-in-law, so much so that we can actually do this together to help another family who is not as fortunate as ours.

How lucky is that? I'm feeling better about this holiday season.

Calendar girl

It's been about 8-1/2 months since we became homestudy approved. That would be the time since we actually became "pregnant on paper". If I were a fertile, I would likely have swollen ankles and a hankering for Taco Bell every night at this point of the pregnancy. If you're paying attention, I mentioned before that I'm sentimental and to prove that, I keep a notebook that includes dates of important points in our adoption journey. Here is just a sampling...October 31, 2007 (also hubby's birthday) was the first time I talked to our adoption person. January 18, 2008 was when said adoption person received the contract and our money. May 2, 2008 was when I purchased our first baby item (pack 'n play). November 4th was my last check-in. Next check-in will be December 4th.

I like to document these dates, even though some may not seem too monumental. For example, November 25, 2007 was the date I bought "Adoptions for Dummies" at Borders. Now, I'm wondering why the heck I wrote that down. Maybe because it made me feel like we were serious about this adoption thing. I don't know. A year later, still no baby, but I feel like we've come a long way emotionally from when we started the process. I don't have the ultrasounds, the twinges in the belly to show that a little one is in there, the expanding waistline (oh wait, I do have THAT), but I can look at my notebook and see how our journey progressed and how excited I am. Maybe our child would like to see that one day.

I guess I'm not prepared

I received this e-newsletter from the I*AC Center (*Infertility and Adoption Counseling) in NJ. I've never been there myself, because of distance issues, but it sounds like they may have some good programs. Anyway, there is one article in the newsletter about "What to do during the wait". Here is the domestic adoption list:

For Domestic Adoption
1. Learn about networking to locate a birth family
Believe me, I'm trying...

2. Consult an OB-GYN and read materials about pregnancy and delivery so you can communicate with birth parents.
Huh?

3. Consult a pediatrician to involve them in the first steps you take in parenting. Feels like putting the cart before the horse from where I'm sitting, but I do have 2 word-of-mouth recommendations on a practice.

4. Learn about communicating with birth parents before, during and after the formal adoption occurs.
I can say that I'm learning some about doing this through reading wonderful blogs by amoms-to-be who have been matched. OK, I'll semi-check this one off, although I'm sure I'll still feel clueless when the time comes.

5. Learn how you will make quick travel arrangements and what you will need to bring with you.
Is there any specific way to make 'quick travel arrangements'? If so, I'd like to hear about it. My plan was to call USAir and book tickets, which will likely be at an astronomical cost. Luckily, we have frequent flyer miles. I should probably read about how that actually works since we never used them before.

6. Attend a Baby Care for adoptive parents workshop
Again, feels like putting the cart in front of the horse, but I have some info about where we can do this if we have some time between the match and birth. Otherwise, we're totally screwed (just kidding...not totally)

7. Learn about hospital issues in adoption. How is it handled, how you can participate and how to handle emotions, decisions, gifts, etc.
I guess this is assuming you know what state and hospital where the birth will take place. Any ideas?

I guess it's a practical list, but right now, matching and placement seem like something that happens to other couples. I can't see myself actively doing any of these things until something actually happens.

A hopeful email

We received an email today from our facilitator's office, which gave some hope. The email stated that "many" profiles were sent out because they had "a lot of recent activity and contact with birthmothers". Yay! Finally, it sounds like it's getting busier. It seems the main purpose of the email was to list 6 situations which they considered "challenges" and to see if any prospective aparents were interested...one wanted a specific religion, others had geographic requirements, etc. None of the situations listed matched with our criteria. But at least, maybe our profile went out with the "many" that did.

Here's an excerpt of the email, which was exciting for me:
As you can tell, we are very busy spinning our wheels trying to find the right matches for everyone. We are currently working on additional Caucasian situations and hope to have a few new matches in the next week....It seems we are getting a lot of calls for babies due in December...

U R Uber too!

Thanks for this, Reggie Boppy! That's very sweet:) And a big compliment coming from her, since I enjoy following her blog very much.

About this award...
The "uber" (synonym for super) is a blog award given to sites who:
- inspire you
- make you smile and laugh
- or maybe give you amazing information
- a great read
- has an amazing design
- and any other reason you can think of that makes them uber amazing!

The rules for my award recipients...

1) Put the logo on your blog or post.

2) Nominate at least five blogs (can be more)that for you are uber amazing.

3) Let them know that they have received this uber amazing award by commenting on their blog.

4) Share the love by linking to this post and the person you received the award from.

And my Uber Amazing Awards go to...

~ Holly - she is generous in spirit and I've enjoyed reading about her recent match...congrats and best wishes to her!
~Melba - she's earned another one from me...I'm an avid reader of her blog. It's warm and insightful. It's great.
~Merlot - a girl from my 'hood (not far anyway) and someone I feel connected to. Always a good and often funny read. Hopefully, we'll meet up one day soon IRL;)
~Bri - just started following her story...and I'm already pulling for her to get a match soon!

I'm cheating and just picking 4 this time!

Packing up the house...and our dreams

I just started the process of packing our things in preparation for our move to a new home next month. I'm overwhelmed. I'm kind of an organization freak, even though you would never guess that looking at my desk. I have a system, OK?

I'm sentimental and it's usually my downfall. It will be 12 years ago next month that my husband bought this house. This is the house we were in when we got married. This is the house where I thought we would start our family. We never got to make that other bedroom into a nursery.

I'm sad, but at the same time excited about getting out of here. Yeah, I know...we'll make new memories in our new home. I think it's just what we need. Moving is giving us a fresh new start. It's just the 2 of us now with Jake gone. We still have so much to look forward to. My husband went on a fishing trip today (on the ocean in November. Sounds like fun.) I'm going to try to be productive today.

Have you heard the one about the lawyer who....

OK, I'll lay off the lawyer jokes...for now. In the last week or so, I've been seriously thinking of ways to supplement the work (or lack of, these days) by our facilitator. Yes, our profile was sent out to a bmom recently, but I'm not holding my breath. The facilitator says it is very slow, as in not many bmoms casting shadows on her doorstep. A friend of mine from my favorite adoption board used an attorney for her match and pending placement, so I thought I would do some research. She gave me the website www.adoptionattorneys.org and I emailed 9 attorneys in Pennsylvania. I've received 4 responses so far...one female attorney seemed very biased against facilitators, but said she was willing to help us for a consultation fee of $175. Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need to be judged. The second one works only in the western part of the state, so she's out. Another one is sending me information about his services. Finally, one only does legal work, so I'll keep him mind if we need it. He reminded me in his email that in Pennsylvania, it is illegal to provide "money or any gifts of value" to a birthmother and would adversely affect finalization in the state. I'm hoping to go out of state because of PA's 30-day termination of parental rights (TPR) period. Ideally, we would finalize in the state where the bmom is, as long as the TPR is not like PA's. I know it is rare that disruption takes place and many people adopt successfully within PA, but I don't want to take the chance. My heart couldn't take it.

Back to waiting...

More nesting...got my Moby

I finally picked up the Moby wrap baby carrier I've been wanting. I had a $5 coupon for it. I wanted the Navy, which they didn't have, so bought Chocolate instead (see pic).

How I wish I had this t-shirt years ago...

I can't get the picture any bigger, so here's what it says:

1) "Relax and quit thinking about it and it'll happen!"
2) "Have you tried lying with your legs in the air, you know...after?"
3) "Maybe it's him."
4) "I know what you're going through...it took us six months with our third!"
5) "Just adopt."

I've had every one of these (or some version of it) said to me. I especially hold #4 near and dear to my heart. It took all I had not to slap the people who have said that to me upside the head. And the "Just adopt" comment....arggghhh. As if you can go to a kiosk at the mall and pick up a baby. If these people only knew what the adoption process entails.

The t-shirts at evilgeniuswoman.com are awesome...I like snarky sometimes;)

Healed over

There is a metaphor for infertility, or any loss, and the healing process that I believe is so true....infertility is like a wound and over time, it scabs over. Things like pregnancy announcements, for one, can rip that scab right off. Ouch! And then, with time and after much frustration and sometimes tears, the scab slowly forms again. The wound may be healed over by the scab, but it's still under there.

As mentioned in my previous post, I went away this weekend with some high school friends to a cabin in the mountains. I only get to hang out with most of the girls once a year at this trip and it's always fun and relaxing and a great time to catch up. I've been going on this trip about 8 or 9 years and I missed going about 2 times when we were in the throes of infertility treatment. They all know that we are adopting. Actually, last year was when I gave the news that it was our plan to adopt and they were all excited for us. Of the eight of us that go up every year, six have children. So, of course there is a lot of talk about kids, showing of pictures, past labor stories, etc.

Today, I was briefly thinking that being among moms and being a listener during these group conversations, rather than a participant during the "mom talk" didn't bother me so much. I've come a long way. Knowing that we're waiting for a baby definitely helps. I can only hope that next year, I'll be able to join in when they talk about this stuff.

Ready for a getaway

I'm going on an annual mountain getaway with some high school friends this weekend. It's a fun and relaxing getaway where we drink, eat, talk, and do nothing. I'm about ready for that.

On the adoption front, got a call from our facilitator's office yesterday. We were asked if we wanted to be presented for a situation. So, off the profile went to a prospective birthmom. We shall see what happens...

The sale of our house is coming along. We signed the agreement of sale with our buyer yesterday. I guess we're really doing this...our house is being inspected this weekend and I'm so glad I won't be around for that.

Election Day and other activities

If you're reading this, I hope you voted today. If you didn't yet, please sign off and go vote. Please. *stepping down from soapbox*

Got a random mass e-mail from an agency I had researched a year ago. I sometimes get information on situations that are available with them. For the first time, I decided to give them a call (called my facilitator today too...nothing new there...big surprise). I talked with the assistant and had most of the correct YES answers...homestudy ready? Check. Profile ready? Check. Specific budget for adoption? Uh. Depends on what kind of money we're talking about. So, the director will be calling me back tomorrow, supposedly. The situation sounds interesting. Even if nothing comes of it, I want to know if this agency has some type of networking program where you don't have to necessarily sign on as a client. I felt empowered calling the agency today, just as I felt empowered in the voting booth today. I "voted for change" AND I'm electing to step our networking efforts up!

Hopefully, I'll hear back from the agency director. It will be exciting to get ANY type of call related to adoption!

We interrupt this blog...for the Phillies!

This is a bit delayed...So, my husband and I became big fans of our hometown team this summer. We watched the games every chance we could (to the annoyance of many haha) Then, they do something we've been waiting so long for in this sports-crazed city....they go and win the World Series!! We were very fortunate to go to at least 1 game during each of the postseason series against Milwaukee, L.A., then Tampa Bay for the final game. It was so exciting to actually be there when they won on October 29th. GO PHILS!

No outward signs

I read a post on another blog recently (you know who you are;)) about being "pregnant on paper" and it got me thinking...here we are, 7+ months of being officially ready to adopt, excited, but admittedly reserved about it. We are expecting a baby and it could be any day, but no visible signs to let other people in on it, unless we divulge, of course. We usually keep most details to ourselves though. That's how we roll:) Besides, there hasn't been anything else exciting to tell family and friends, other than we're in the adoption process, and all of the important people in our life already know about that.

We've been through the IF "extravaganza" and back and I think we deserve some type of visible indication to the outside world that we are finally expecting...something subtle, like a wearable sandwich board sign. It would say something like, oh I don't know..."I'm adopting. Please tell me that I'm glowing/hold the door for me/ask me how I'm feeling". (This is a ME post...I'm obviously feeling a bit jealous of preggos today. Guess it's because I saw a preggo friend yesterday).

Being "pregnant on paper" makes me happy. In the adoption world, this means a lot. It means that we're that much closer to our ultimate goal and dream of becoming parents and having a child that is ours. Unfortunately today, I woke up thinking that we have been waiting so long with no match, not even news that we were in the running. It just seems that everyone I encounter in the blogging world and on my fave adoption board is matching or having their profile shown frequently. I know I shouldn't compare. That's just how I feel anyway...maybe I need a sign that it will happen for us soon.