Is this really happening?

I woke up feeling a bit under the weather this morning.  My neck is still bothering me.  So, I decided to go into work late today.  I've never done that before. I either call out of work entirely or just go in.  I called to let them know that I'll be in around noon-ish.

I started to mill around and got a hankering for some french toast.  I needed some comfort food.  I was mid-flip of the french toast and my cell phone rang...our consultant, M, was calling and it was 7:45am. 

"Are you home?"  Yes.  "Is T home?"  No, he's at work.  What's up?  "Are you sitting down?" 

It turns out that the potential birth mom (pbm) who I thought was looking at profiles this week, actually looked at them this weekend...and...drum roll, please....

She chose us!!!!!

We're matched!(?)  Is this really happening?  OK, so what do we do now?  "You're going to be a mom."

I can't exactly remember anything else that M said, but after thanking her profusely, I called my hubby.  He was equally dumbfounded and happy and he started asking me questions.  "OK, so what do we do now?" 

There are more details we have yet to receive and figure out, of course.   But, it looks like we're matched.  (Did I really just write that?)  Baby, gender unknown, due in January (we think).  That's one of the details we have to get nailed down.  It could possibly be sooner (gulp!). 

I think that I have to send a special shout out to C.onnie Ch.ung.       

Very early Saturday morning ramblings

This week, my sister-in-law (and good friend), her husband, and their 2 daughters moved 3,000 miles to the west coast to start a new life there. My hubby (her brother) and I are sad, but happy and excited for them...and then we're sad again...and yet excited about the new opportunities for them. Needless to say, there are mixed feelings for us and many others. I do know that they will be happy there and do well. Our nieces are starting at their new school next week. SIL has always been a great source of support to me and I'll miss being able to see and hang out with all of them whenever we had the chance. I'll miss my weekly walks with my SIL when we would catch up. We were both so busy that it didn't happen as often as we would have liked. Oh, the things we take for granted. E-mail and texting are good things...

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My bathroom mini-renovation (my independent pet project in the house) is nearing completion. The plan is to eventually do a gut and complete re-do of the bathroom, but that is on the back burner for now. I got my inspiration from this L.owe's DIY magazine picture.

BEFORE--move-in day

yucky shower doors, pink walls, seashell border, pink curtains

AFTER--8 months later

Less pink, not pretty, but slightly better

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Hubby is employed by the National F.ootball L.eague team in our area. One of the perks is the annual BBQ at the home of the team owner to kick off the regular season. This was our first year, so I was excited but didn't know what to expect. There were some celebrity sightings, including a certain superstar who fell from grace because of inh.umane acts related to dogs and a certain former P.la.yboy bunny who was on a reality show with her elderly boyfriend and his other girlfriends and is now married to one of the players. I did get to personally thank the team owner as he walked by for having us at his beautiful (read: straight out of Arc.hitecture Digest, museum-like) home. The weather sucked, which was unfortunate because it was very family-friendly with several kiosks set up for kids' games and activities. Lots of babies, lots of trophy wives, lots of bling-bling. Then we went home and made pizza.

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Our consultant has sent us 2 situations this past week. We've decided to pass on submitting our profile to either for different reasons. It sucks, but I know that it was right for us.

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I woke up at 4am today with a ginormous and literal pain in the neck, which has been going on for about a week. I couldn't get comfortable at all, so I came downstairs to watch some TV. The only thing on was a biography of C.onnie Chung. I was very surprised to learn that she and her husband, M.aury Po.vich had adopted a newborn son after several infertility treatments and miscarriages. I assumed they didn't have any children, but they are very private when it comes to him. In the mid-1990s, she was a co-anchor on the CB.S Night.ly News but it didn't work out (D.an R.ather--that bastard!) and she was fired. The week that she was fired, they learned that their son was born. She said that it was then that she knew that things happen for a reason. This got me thinking.

Was there a reason that I was able to see that particular show on that particular person when I'm recently coming out of a depressive state (other than the fact that the only other TV offerings consisted of mainly informercials before daybreak and I couldn't reach the remote because of my debilitating neck pain)? Could this be the universe signaling impending long-awaited good fortune on the baby front? I mean, come on....read the writing on the wall along with me, will you? Connie's Asian, I'm Asian. Maury's white, hubbs is white. Connie is a world-renowned and respected news personality and I, well, uh, I've...watched the news. They went through IF and eventually adopted a child they adore. We went through IF and waiting to be able to feel and say the same. Another thing I found relatable was when she stated that she didn't "embrace" the thought of adoption at first. I could defintely say the same, especially during and right after the IVFs. But, she said that once she opened her heart to it, she wished they did it a lot sooner. Me too.

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If you're still reading, re-read the title of this post. You were duly warned.

Coming out of it

I've been feeling down and discouraged for longer than I expected. The good news is, I think I'm coming out of it. It wasn't just the fact that not much has gone on related to adoption in the last week and a half (and 19 months)...there have been other things going on that compounded it. There are too many things and emotions to mention here. That's for another post.

I received a call from the consultant yesterday. I learned that the potential birth mom (pbm) due in January has an appointment with her agency next week to look at profiles for the first time. I just assumed that she already looked and passed us over by now...I sent our profile 2 weeks ago. So, I guess that was some promising news. We still have a chance. It is strange to actually know when she'll be looking at them...possibly perusing our book a little longer than the others, or throwing it back into the pile. I'm not sure that I enjoy knowing when this review process will happen.

Vent #7,542 (and counting!)

I was invited to a "sprinkle" for my sister who is expecting in October. This is her 2nd baby, so instead of a shower...get it? I thought it was cute. Anyway, her close friends planned this and it is friends who are invited. Our mom and her MIL weren't invited. It was really nice of them to include me. But I think that I'm going to RSVP no. I feel guilty about it, but it really is for her to get together with her girlfriends, who for the most part, I don't really know well. I had planned on getting a mani/pedi for her and me sometime soon. So, I think I'm going to stick with that, rather than subject myself to the "sprinkle". A part of me feels badly too that I didn't take the initiative to plan something for her. I threw her a shower when she was pregnant with my nephew. I can't do it this time, so I'm really happy that her friends have stepped up.
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Speaking of my sister, she asked me to be there for her when she goes into labor. My BIL may be out of town for work, so in the event that occurs, I'll be his stand-in until he gets there. This was the same set-up for baby #1, but it turned out I wasn't needed that time. I'm hoping that I'm needed this time around, even if it's for a little bit.
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There have been so many matches on my blog list...which is really wonderful. I'm so happy for my bloggy friends who are moving out of limbo, AKA 'The Wait', and much closer towards their dreams! At the same time, naturally, it's made me go into kind of a funk and feel sorry for myself. I'm also feeling surrounded by pregnancy and birth announcements. It's been a little while since my last funk, so I'm about due for one. Anyway, it just seems so unreasonable and frustrating to me that we've been waiting for a child as long as we've had. It will soon be 10 years since we've been trying to have a family. I know we're not the only ones to have to wait, everyone has to wait...but for this freaking long??? And yes, I'm going to go there....

WHY US?

Nothing has gone our way in the past 9+ years...not with infertility treatments and now, with the adoption process, it hasn't been as promising as I thought it would be when we started this journey. I didn't expect us to still be waiting at this point. Who does, right? Things have picked up a bit since we signed with another adoption person, so it gives me a flicker of hope. I'm just fed up with being ultra-patient, standing on the sidelines, just a bystander...watching.
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My 'funks' typically don't last more than 48 hours, so keep tuning in.

8 Ways to Save M.oney on B.aby Care article

The thought of getting prepared for baby has me overwhelmed at times. Preparing for baby, on top of the adoption costs and renovating our home...it really adds up. I'm already planning on doing a lot of the things mentioned. The article makes a lot of sense, especially about registries.

Here's the recent S.martM.oney article. FYI there is a very short "commercial" before you get to the article.

8 Ways to Save Money on Baby Care

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Profiles are flying off the shelf

OK, so I'm exaggerating, but from my viewpoint it really does seem that way. I talked with our consultant (love talking with her) and we decided to send our profile to a pbm who is due in January. It went in the mail today.

She also recommended that we send a profile to a few of the agencies that they work with. These particular agencies will not charge us any fees to keep our profile "in-house". I thought that this was a great idea and I'm so happy that we can even do this. Our consultant feels that it will be good for the agencies to be familiar with us through our profile and it will be more convenient for everyone if a situation comes their way that needs immediate attention.

I have to order more profiles! I'll be sending out about 5 in the next few days!

Our profile is FINALLY getting out there:)

Some August action...

Our profile is finally getting a bit of action. And when I say, "action", I use the word in the literal sense. "Action" meaning our profile moved from a shelf and traveled somewhere.

I checked in with our facilitator and learned that our profile went out recently. Wow. It hasn't gone out in months. I have since learned that we were not chosen, but trying to look on the bright side of things that our facilitator didn't forget about us. I'm reaching, I know. After hearing about the situation, it was actually a stab in the dark on the part of our facilitator. E for effort, I guess.

Also, I'm talking with our consultant later today to discuss a situation that was sent to us earlier this week. The pbm is due in January. I think we're going to submit our profile. We'll see after I talk with the consultant.

Not made of money, continued...a vent

Thanks for the replies to my previous post about the exorbitant costs related to adoption. I didn't really get an answer to my request for a breakdown of the cost. I was told that some agencies will give a breakdown, while others will disclose after the match. I think that type of information is necessary for us to make a decision about submitting our profile. Anyway, no matter...the cost isn't even in our ballpark, so we didn't need to make a decision. It was already made for us. I was told that this agency has fees higher than most that they deal with. Why?? Apparently, the agency does refund birthparent expenses or rolls it into another situation if the match falls through. However, I'm going to tell our consultant that we don't need to see situations from this particular agency (aka money-hungry jerks).

Adoption scam story on the news

I can't believe that there are people who would actually do this...scumbag(s)!!! Makes me want to go private, even though I don't really post a lot of pictures. Scary.
Massachusetts Mother Horrified to See Son for Adoption on Craigslist - ABC News

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Unfortunately, we're not made of money

We were asked if we wanted to be considered for a situation today. We need a bit more information, more out of curiosity. I would really like to know why the fee is what it is...the "estimated" cost boggles my mind. We were just given a flat fee number, so I want to know the itemized costs. Again, out of curiosity...

If it weren't for the cost, we would probably want our profile to be sent. The financial part of adoption just sucks.

What's wrong with you?...revisited

I feel like I've been more open about our adoption lately, but not to close family and friends. At work, I've told people about signing with the consultant and the 2 quick situations that came up but ultimately decided to pass on being considered. 

Close family and friends don't really ask about our adoption these days and I can't say I blame them. Nothing is ever going on for us in the family-building department.  We first announced our plans to adopt over 18 months ago. It's really feeling like our TTC days, when people stop asking. I feel that they must be wondering what's wrong with us or what we haven't done right....I wonder the same things sometimes.

I had a check-in call with our consultant this past week. Nothing new there (I think that I should rename my blog 'Nothing new' because it certainly fits). So, we discussed other stuff...it's really nice to talk with her because she is a relatively new adoptive mom. We talked about buying baby items and showers. I still don't want a shower, but probably a party after our baby is here. After we talked, I received a thoughtful email from her about having a shower, that I shouldn't deprive myself of this 'rite of passage', that our friends and family will want to have something for us, etc.

Still don't want a shower. Maybe it's partly bitterness, partly the fact that I've shunned showers for so long, partly the fear that it won't work out if we have a shower prior to placement...there's a lot of parts, I think. A welcome home party after we have our baby in our arms feels right to me.