I feel like I've been more open about our adoption lately, but not to close family and friends. At work, I've told people about signing with the consultant and the 2 quick situations that came up but ultimately decided to pass on being considered.
Close family and friends don't really ask about our adoption these days and I can't say I blame them. Nothing is ever going on for us in the family-building department. We first announced our plans to adopt over 18 months ago. It's really feeling like our TTC days, when people stop asking. I feel that they must be wondering what's wrong with us or what we haven't done right....I wonder the same things sometimes.
I had a check-in call with our consultant this past week. Nothing new there (I think that I should rename my blog 'Nothing new' because it certainly fits). So, we discussed other stuff...it's really nice to talk with her because she is a relatively new adoptive mom. We talked about buying baby items and showers. I still don't want a shower, but probably a party after our baby is here. After we talked, I received a thoughtful email from her about having a shower, that I shouldn't deprive myself of this 'rite of passage', that our friends and family will want to have something for us, etc.
Still don't want a shower. Maybe it's partly bitterness, partly the fact that I've shunned showers for so long, partly the fear that it won't work out if we have a shower prior to placement...there's a lot of parts, I think. A welcome home party after we have our baby in our arms feels right to me.
#MicroblogMondays - Willpower
11 years ago
11 comments:
Erica,
I know what you mean about not being sure about having a shower. We decided that we definitely didn't want to have one prior to placement. In fact, we don't want one until the termination of parental rights paperwork is signed, either. That could be up to 6 weeks after the birth. We just felt like it would the best thing for us. We may end up just having one big celebration/party instead of a shower. We'll see. I just think it's whatever you are comfortable with. I know someone from my agency that had showers before they were matched -- it worked for them.
When your baby is in your arms, uour "welcome home" party will be the best party ever.
Having showers prior to TPR is scary, plain and simple. I am totally rejecting the idea of the shower after everything we've been through. Honestly, we have bought everything that we'd need anyway. I think you're better off having a celebration after you bring baby home too.
I can see why you might not be comfortable having a shower - but in the end, the only thing that matters is what you consider to be important, not what someone else might think is important. Only you know what you want and what is best for your situation.
We are conflicted about a shower as well. Our failed match happened so quickly that it wasn't an option. I think we'll see how it feels with the next match but it is a really scary thing to commit to in adoption. I'm leaning the same way as you and thinking of more of a "welcome baby" party.
You know my story and how I feel....one day I would love to have a shower but I don't think I will.
E--- I don't want a shower either. My family does not understand, but I do. NOTHING is final until it is final with adoption. It stinks! I hope and pray that you find your baby soon! Oh, the stroller is awesome! Love it!
We did not have a shower for Ukulele until the revocation period was over. We felt the same as you about it.... fear of a jinx. There is nothing wrong with waiting to buy things, or having a shower (or two!), until after you have your baby home. We only bought the absolute necessities (food, a couple of bottles, diapers). And a friend of mine let us borrow her baby things (moses basket, clothes, etc) until after the revocation period. She knew we did not want to invest in those items in case something went south. With borrowed things, they could easily be returned. It may sound morbid or sad, but that is the only way we could handle the situation.
Wishing you the best!
I didn't want a shower until after placement. I did get two of them and got to bring our son and show him off. We didn't play any annoying games, just ate food, cake, and opened presents. Do whatever you feel most comfortable with, but definitely let people celebrate with you and shower your baby with gifts!
I hope there is something new soon!
As for the shower, I say do what feels right to you! Your reasons are valid, and totally understandable. Plus, a "meet the baby" party might be more fun because you can relax and not have to have so many plans and so much pressure.
I know how the "nothing new" thing can feel. Having gone through infertility for so long (eight years!) it became just another fact of my existence, and people rarely asked me about it anymore. I know the wait is feeling eternal to you right about now, but your time WILL come!! I hope and pray it is soon for you, I really do.
Hang in there,
Melba
It was nice of her to offer her perspective, but you do what feels right and good to YOU. Period. :)
I did have a shower, but it was well after C was home and it wasn't your typical shower at all. No games. Lots of wine and champagne. A celebration!
I can't wait until you celebrate!
I'll remind you... Work had a shower for me before I went for Ella's birth : ( Made the disruption harder (not that it would have been easier). With Chylar we had a bash after finalization. That felt right. Don't force anything.
Post a Comment