Just got back...

I just got back this morning from a 3-day long n.euroscience nurses conference in Las Vegas. I feel refreshed and motivated to go back to work! We'll see how long that lasts...lol. A co-worker and I shared a room at the P.aris Hotel on the Strip, took in a couple of shows and played some slots (I won $20!). We sat by the pool one day in the 80 degree weather. Aahhhhhh. Back to reality...

We received our homestudy update today from our SW. I'm going to mail our facilitator a copy tomorrow. So, we're officially updated for another year.

Now, if we could just get matched...

Facilitator update #10 and some travel stuff

This past week, I've been feeling, well...pissed off. NOTHING is going on with the adoption stuff, work was crazy busy last week, and the progress on our house is going slowly. I've been in a mood and I think it all came to a head for me yesterday.

I gave my facilitator a call, even though I called just last week, and spoke to her directly. I really felt a strong need to call, especially because I just wasn't satisfied after I talked with her assistant the last time. So, I called again to speak to the facilitator directly and see what gives, straight from the horse's mouth...

I ended up talking with her for over an hour. I was not outwardly upset, but she did calm me down on the inside. To summarize what she told me, simply the right pbm situation for us has not come up. A pbm may match up with what we're looking for, but not necessarily the other way around. Of course as a prospective adoptive parent, I know this, but I was so annoyed when I thought about how long we've been waiting I guess I forgot this very important point. On top of that, we live in PA, which is a state that does not allow prospective adoptive parents to pay for pbm expenses. This obviously limits us to a large group of pbms who present to our facilitator. That being said, I still have to wonder if she's doing enough for us and the other waiting families. She says that she's going to be doing more advertising. I certainly hope so.

Overall, I'm glad I spoke to her, because I was feeling really frustrated. More than usual. So, I feel better....for now. Another thing that made me feel better, although it probably shouldn't, is that we haven't been waiting the longest with our facilitator. She said her average wait time has increased and pointed out that it is that way for many agencies and facilitators around the country. I'm now thinking that we may have a better chance of hitting the lottery. This is how the waiting to get matched part of the process feels.

I'm going to Las Vegas next weekend for a nursing conference. Another nurse and I are presenting a poster on timely h.ospice referrals for patients with chronic ne.urological diseases. It sounds like a real downer, I know. Vegas should be fun though. I could always use a little getaway.

We're still trying to figure out where to go for our vacation in May to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We've never had a problem choosing a destination in years past. I don't know what our problem is! We went to the travel agent today and got a quote for a week at a resort in Barbados. We have a few days to decide.

A little bling on my blog

Sam kindly nominated me for a combo Honest scrap and Sisterhood award. Thanks Sam:) Even though I've done this recently, this honest scrap list will be the non-IF, non-adoption related edition. Here are the rules:

The rules for acceptance are as follow:
1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment on their blogs informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap."
3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

My 10 honest things:
1) I wish I still played the piano.
2) We recently moved into a new home, but I'm still not sure if this is the house I want to be in for the long haul.
3) I'm afraid of large crowds.
4) I have a school girl crush on the actor Ryan Gosling.
5) I am a night owl.
6) I like Brad and Angelina together....better than Brad and Jen.
7) I've gained 15 lbs. since my wedding almost 10 years ago.
8) I want to have a dog again.
9) Can't wait for baseball season...go Phils!
10) I let about 90% of my cell phone calls go to voicemail.

I'm only choosing 2 this time to receive this award...

New mommy Holly and Coleen

Meeting my sanity

There's a group of women that I "met" on an adoption board thread back in October of 2007 when we were just about to start our adoption process. Some have come and gone on the thread, but there has been a core group that have stuck around. We're a bunch from different areas of the country, different family-building stories, but came together with a common thread...infertility and a desire to have a family through adoption.

These women have been my sanity during our wait. And while I feel like I've been on the sidelines watching some of the time because there hasn't been much going on for us, I couldn't be happier when something good happens to one and sadder when it's crappy for another. I sometimes wonder if we would have become friends had we met in real life. I think we would have. They're all such cool ladies and just good people.

It's strange and wonderful how you can connect with people online. I feel this unconditional support from the women on that thread. My bloggy friends that I have gotten to know through this forum are great too. Come to think of it, if it weren't for my online friends, I don't know how I would have lasted this long through the wait, or IF, for that matter.

I'm getting mushy which is so unlike me and I'm weirding myself out now, so I'll stop.

I think that most of us may be meeting soon in real life (IRL). We've been chatting about getting together in June and I really hope it works out. I talked with hubby today about meeting them in Chicago and he's down with it. Yay!

If anyone reading knows of a nice place to stay in downtown Chicago, close to "everything", I'd love to hear about it!

Physical and facilitator update #9

T had off earlier this week and he got his physical. We found an urgent care place in the phone book and he went there because no appointment was needed....we've been meaning to find a regular family doctor, but to make an appointment now for the physical would have probably taken too long and we originally thought he would return to the place he went to last year. That office is no longer in existence, as we recently found out.

T told me that they were a bit iffy about filling out some parts of the form, which is understandable because the doctor just met him and they had no records or labs for him. He said the doc wasn't sure how to fill out the question about mental health issues because they didn't do a psychiatric exam. I'm not sure what that would entail, but I don't think that is a typical part of a physical, unless it was warranted because a person endorsed issues such as depression, anxiety, etc. The medical examination sheet provided by our social worker has a yes/no format based mainly on patient history. It's a very simple form...one sheet. T said he was annoyed because he was given a bit of an attitude about it. He told the doc and nurse that he had to get this form filled out for adoption, along with providing fingerprints, obtaining FBI, state police, and child abuse checks, while heroin addicts and criminals can have children at any time. Good one hehe. He said the attitude changed and the doc signed the form. She wrote in that there weren't any apparent health issues that would prevent him from being able to parent a child, but that she also just met him and had no past medical records available to her. Being a nurse, I understand she needs to cover her butt and it's her license on the line when she signs this form. However, any doctor he went to would be his first visit with them, so it would have been a very similar situation anywhere else. The lesson of that day was that we need to find a primary care physician.

On the same day, T's FBI clearance arrived in the mail, so I went to Staples, made copies of the documents and mailed them to our social worker. Yay!

Also on the same day, I contacted our facilitator's office. The receptionist/assistant answered the phone. She doesn't have a very good phone manner....I feel like I'm pulling teeth when I talk with her. Sometimes when I call in, she'll immediately hand off the phone to our facilitator, but not this time and she said there wasn't anything new. Again, there hasn't been a lot of action, but they have to follow up on some of the pbm's who have called recently. I think the next time I call to check in, I will ask to speak directly to the facilitator.

Same news, different day *sigh*

Waiting on top of waiting

We had our homestudy update visit over a month ago. We've received the state criminal clearances, the child abuse clearances, FBI clearances, updated our financial sheet, and I had my physical. Now just waiting on my dearest hubby to get his physical!

Last year, we called this Urgent Care place that popped up nearby. The physician's assistant who worked there had adopted internationally several years back and she did hubby's physical STAT! Last week, we called the office, but it seems that they're no longer there. Interesting. The message said that they're "temporarily closed." I left a message, but haven't heard back. So, needless to say, we have to figure out where T can get his physical. I'm hoping he can get it done this week so I can send everything off to the SW and have the homestudy update finalized. Actually, he definitely has to get it done this week.

I'm overdue to check in with the facilitator. They recently moved offices, so I'm waiting to call. Maybe I'll check in this week.

Eggshells walked on via f.acebook

I had bowed out on a baby shower a few weekends ago. I sent the mom-to-be a message via fb the day after...basically said that I was sorry I missed the shower. Hope she enjoyed it and received lots of good baby stuff. I also mentioned that we sent a gift directly to their home.

Her exact response: How are you? How is the new house going?

I thought it was an odd reply. Her new fb profile picture is one of her at her own shower and she doesn't even mention it in her response to me? Would that be blatant eggshell walking on her part or am I just being the oversensitive infertile?

I always hated the tip-toeing around us during our IF treatment days. We were often times the last to hear about pregnancies and people who had asked us about when we were going to start "trying" stopped the baby talk after it was obvious it was taking us quite a while. When you're trying like heck to get pregnant, you can't help but notice the avoidance of talk related to pregnancy.

I suppose I should appreciate the, what I believe is, attempt at sensitivity to our situation by entirely avoiding the topic altogether. It bothers me though. Or maybe she's just upset that I didn't go to the shower.

Having said all of that, I skipped the shower to avoid the baby talk.

Oversensitive infertile (and walking contradiction) signing off for now.

Can winter be over, please?

We have a Nor'easter headed our way tonight. They're calling for 6-12 inches, depending on which local channel I'm watching, and blizzard conditions tonight into tomorrow morning. Hubby has been working a lot of overtime and fortunately, had off this weekend for once. But unfortunately, he has to work tonight at 8pm!!! I won't be able to sleep until he gets home and hopefully, he doesn't have to work too long. He thinks he may be done after 2-4 hours, but conditions will very likely be bad on his way home....

I will probably stay home from work tomorrow. Stinks I have to take a vacation day, but I could use one anyway. And hubby will be home too.

Since hubby didn't work most of this weekend, we finally got back to work on the house. We started in the dining room and what is essentially our foyer. Our side door that leads into the kitchen at the back of the house is our main entrance. We have a front door in the living room, but it's not used that much. So, we enter into the kitchen, which goes into the dining room.

Can't believe we've been here over 2 months now....here's a sample of our progress. As you can tell, it's been slow.

January 17th...notice far right wall is intact....ugly but intact with a lot of wallpaper still attached. I have no idea why the wall underneath is the color of hospital scrubs. One of the many mysteries of this house.

Today...T has to tear most of the scrubs-green wall down because it's buckling. The original plan was to patch just parts of it with drywall. I wish he decided he was going to tear it all down before I peeled wallpaper off for, what felt like, hours. He finished skim coating the near right wall (and others not pictured).