I had bowed out on a baby shower a few weekends ago. I sent the mom-to-be a message via fb the day after...basically said that I was sorry I missed the shower. Hope she enjoyed it and received lots of good baby stuff. I also mentioned that we sent a gift directly to their home.
Her exact response: How are you? How is the new house going?
I thought it was an odd reply. Her new fb profile picture is one of her at her own shower and she doesn't even mention it in her response to me? Would that be blatant eggshell walking on her part or am I just being the oversensitive infertile?
I always hated the tip-toeing around us during our IF treatment days. We were often times the last to hear about pregnancies and people who had asked us about when we were going to start "trying" stopped the baby talk after it was obvious it was taking us quite a while. When you're trying like heck to get pregnant, you can't help but notice the avoidance of talk related to pregnancy.
I suppose I should appreciate the, what I believe is, attempt at sensitivity to our situation by entirely avoiding the topic altogether. It bothers me though. Or maybe she's just upset that I didn't go to the shower.
Having said all of that, I skipped the shower to avoid the baby talk.
Oversensitive infertile (and walking contradiction) signing off for now.
#MicroblogMondays - Willpower
11 years ago
10 comments:
My guess would be that she was probably just trying to be nice by not mentioning the shower in her reply. If you don't get a thank you for the gift you sent though, then I'd be a little missed.
I too am used to pregnancy being the elephant in the room. And I hate that it has to be that way!
I agree with Jodi that she was probably just trying to be nice and not mention it. I actually didn't attend a shower today, too. My mom and sisters went without me. I know my mom wasn't thrilled, but I just couldn't handle it.
Having been on both sides of the fence where this is concerned, I know exactly what you mean! I had to laugh at the way you signed this post, "walking contradiction."
Not that long ago, I was at a dinner party with a couple of girls I know very well and several more I know only a little. I got there a bit late, but it was clear there had been pregnancy talk prior to my arrival. It wasn't that they deliberately didn't fill me in, but there was definitely some awkwardness surrounding the woman who had just announced her pregnancy.
Ugh...I don't know, it seems either way there is some difficulty where all this is concerned. I don't enjoy the invasive questions about "Why don't you guys have kids yet?" but at the same time, I hate feeling like people are walking on eggshells around me too. Sort of seems like a lose-lose situation.
Melba
Melba, it really is a lose-lose situation, even more so for the people in our lives. They're damned if they do ask and damned if they don't. We infertiles are so complex hehe.
I agree with Jodi. You're right, we infertiles are totally contradictory and hard to please. It makes me eternally grateful for the friends I have that have stuck by me.
I recently stumbled across your blog. Thanks for letting me read! We're just starting the adoption process. I just had to say that I totally understand your feelings here. On the one hand, I get tired of everything being about other people's babies. But, on the other hand, I get really annoyed when people tiptoe around me! So, I just wanted to let you know that I get it!
I am also impossible to please in this regard. I know it, though! I definately know it!
The middle section of your post might as well have been taken right out of my journal... It so mirrors my heart.
It's hard no matter how people go about dicussing it. If they don't talk about it, it hurts. If they do talk about it and all the blessings/"burdens" it brings, it hurts... Thank goodness I'm not alone in feeling like a "walking contradiction," though I hate it for all of us.
With myself, I've realized they are darned if they do and darned if they don't... I'm never happy with what people choose to do : )
Oh I skip the showers too.
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