Scary thoughts

We bought a rug for the nursery.  Hubbs is bringing up the topic of organic formula.  I've figured out the dates of my leave of absence and F.ML.A for work.  I'm gathering the documents we need for the agency (think homestudy process).  We're about to send out a large check to said agency.  I'm noticing that the days on my trusty ticker to the left seem to be moving more quickly. 

In little and some bigger ways, we're getting ready for the little one.  But something is missing, namely regular contact with emom.  Of the seven times I've called her, we've talked twice.  She hasn't made an effort to call me.  This is in sharp contrast to what we were told by the agency via our consultant soon after our match.... B is looking forward to contact with you now and throughout the pregnancy.  I'm really trying to not read too much into the lack of communication right now.  There's still about 10 weeks to go.  I have about 6 more weeks before I believe it will be totally reasonable for me to retreat to our bedroom and collapse into the fetal position, clutching our nearly depleted savings account statement in one hand and one of the 243 onesies I've somehow accumulated over the last several months in the other....if the level of communication remains the same.  Please excuse the the pathetic and graphic imagery.  As I mentioned above, we're about to send the agency the bulk of the money for this adoption.  I can't help but wonder if emom is not really into us or the adoption plan.  I imagine her screening my calls....rolling her eyes every time she sees my number pop up and saying, "Oh no, not this lady again.". 

I have to remind myself often that while adoption rules our life right now, it probably doesn't so much for her.  She is going into the last trimester of her pregnancy.  She has a young child whom she is parenting alone.  She has placed for adoption before and I'm not sure how much emotional support she has available to her.  From the little we have read about her, she has some issues in her life.  I wish that I knew how she was feeling.  We may not develop the "dream" adoptive mom-birth mom rapport and that would be okay, I guess.   Since the ball is in her court, that would have to be okay.   

At the same time, not having a lot of contact has allowed me to remain guarded.  If the match doesn't work out in the end, I cannot say that I won't be devastated.  But I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be if we actually developed some type of real relationship.  I realize that there's still a lot of time.  Who knows....over the next several weeks, maybe she'll answer the phone, or better yet, call me (not holding my breath) and we will be able to get past the small talk so that we can learn more about each other.  I'm hopeful that I'll have something more to tell our little one in the future about her birthmom and her half-sibling.


 


  

Diapering 101

Our preparations for the little one have focused mainly on the nursery.  Today, we took it another step further by attending a bab.y care c.lass. 

We drove just over an hour to a counseling center that is centered on adoption and infertility issues.  Sure, there are baby ca.re classes at our local hospitals, but we would have been surrounded by pregnant bellies and strange looks when it was noticed that I don't have the rotund silhouette of one who is preggers.  Funny that I'd rather have us drive 100 miles round trip than be in THAT situation.  Hell no. 

The class consisted of about 10 families in various stages of the adoption process.  I was surprised that the majority were just beginning the process, as in, waiting to have the homestudy visit or just finishing their profile.  I wouldn't have even considered attending a class like this when we were at those stages.  But in hindsight, I can see that it would be an ideal springboard to start the research and education on all things baby, even if in the early stages.

In the history of education, there cannot be a group of more earnest and knowledge-hungry adult learners than a bunch of first-time adoptive parents-to-be at a baby c.are class.  After this morning, I'm totally convinced of this.  During the class, I had a flashback to college lectures when the professor would say something that was for sure to be on the next test....most heads suddenly turned downward, every pen to paper, furiously writing down whatever testworthy statements he or she might say.  This class was no different in that respect.  However, this time, I was writing "6 to 8 wet diapers per day" and "nipple size changes at 3 mos".  And, lest I forget, "NO bathtub until the cord falls off!".  I'm looking at my notes from today and I actually wrote this.  With the exclamation point.  As you can tell, I was doing  the notetaking, but hubbs would nudge me as he took a sip of his coffee or give me a look as if to say, "Aren't you going to write that down?" when the instructor said something potentially earth-shattering such as, "Use room temperature water for the formula."

OK, so I'm making fun of our group of clueless future first-time parents (at least I knew that the hoodie on the towel is not just for decoration).  We're just a bunch of dorks afraid of doing something "wrong".  As hubbs said later, our parents didn't attend a parenting course of any kind...it seems to hubbs that much of parenting is common sense.  (I can't wait for the first opportunity to remind him that he said this...just kidding...no, I'm not).  We did agree that it was definitely a useful class and worth the drive.  The instructor gave a lot of practical tips and mentioned things that I wouldn't have known or thought to do.  Hubbs somehow managed to place his very first newborn diaper on a doll with long, matted blond hair, who looked more like a small 3 year old with severe hip dysplasia than an infant.  Oh, I'm sure he'll do just fine.  I was just glad that we didn't get the one doll that looked like the Brid.e of Chu.cky (it makes me sad that there might be someone out there that would goo.gle this movie....but I'm sure he's out there).       

On our way home, we decided to swing through a little area that is very popular with locals and tourists alike for it's strip of restaurants, eclectic shops and bed and breakfasts along the De.laware River.  Although it rained most of the afternoon, we checked out a few stores and had a very lovely and tasty lunch at a place overlooking the river.  How fitting that the town is named Ne.w Hope.  We had never been there until today.  

    

Small talk

I called B last night.  We only talked for a few minutes because I woke her up and I didn't want to keep her on the phone, but she sounded pleased to hear from me.  She said that she's getting big and her feet are swollen, but otherwise she's doing fine.  She didn't get the note that I had sent to her through the agency yet (sent it a week ago).  She said that she had been wanting to call, but her daughter was sick last week.  I told her that I hadn't called because I was falling asleep early lately the past few weekends.  I thought that her free minutes were limited to weekends after a certain time, but it sounds like the minutes are free for her any day after a specific evening hour.  So, B said that she would give me a call this week. 

According to my cell phone, the conversation lasted just under 3 minutes, so not a lot of time for anything other than small talk.  But it was good to be in touch with her again and know that she's doing well.   I hope that we can start talking on a more regular basis.    

Randomness

I went to a family wedding yesterday.  Hubbs had to work, so I went solo with my parents and little bro.  It was really nice to see family I haven't seen in YEARS.  At the reception, the question, "Do you have kids?" came up more than once (usually preceded by, "You're married, right?", followed by, "How long have you been married?").  I didn't mention the adoption because they're not close family and they'll hear the news from my mom after the fact.  Secondly, I don't want to jinx things. 

Weddings always make me a little sad.  I look at the happy couple and can't help but think about how happy, innocent, and optimistic we were when we got married ten years ago.  We're still happy.  I can also say we're a stronger couple for what we've gone through.  However, I'm definitely more cynical and sometimes bitter about the road we've traveled to get where we are now.  It really bothers me that infertility has changed me in that way.        
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It was time to turn in our old car lease, so we went car shopping this past week.  We decided to get a M.ercury M.ariner because of a really good lease deal ($100 less per month than our old car payment) and I really like it.  It has S.YNC technology, which means I can talk on my phone hands-free.  Neat-o.   
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Mostly everyone who needs to know at work about our adoption now knows that I'll be taking leave for 3 months starting in January.  I just have to tell one of my "bosses" (he's in the office 2 half days per week).  The management will be having a meeting early next week and they want to talk about how they're going to deal with my absence, so I just have to inform the one big boss about my plan when I see him on Tuesday.    I thought that since I have the luxury of time, I would give as much notice as I'm taking off.  Plus, I have a big project to hand off, so I wanted to get the people filling in for me enough training on what I do.  I'm now trying to decide exactly how long I'll be out (12-14 weeks).  Not all of it will be paid time off, but I'm lucky to have about 6 weeks of sick time that I am allowed to use.     
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My friend Marcie will be traveling this week to Korea for the adoption of her little boy!  I'm so excited for her!  Please wish her and her husband the best as they complete their family:)
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I've noticed that there have been some possible matches, matches, and placements happening with my bloggy friends.  I'm thinking positive thoughts and best wishes for everyone.....
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ETA:  Go Phillies!!

It always comes down to money

We finally received the contract from the agency that is working with B.  Along with the contract came the expenses and fees estimate.  My jaw about dropped when I saw it because it was more than expected.  I was on the verge of tears all day because the total cost listed was a possible dealbreaker.  I talked with our c.onsultant who strongly recommended that I send a nice (she knows me well already) email inquiring about the cost discrepancy.  So I did, pointing out the difference from what was quoted when we decided to submit our profile back in August.   

I received an email from the agency tonight.  It turns out that it was a mistake.  B's expenses are actually lower than what the agency sent.  The agency person apologized.  My blood pressure is coming back down.  I'm obviously relieved.  This morning, I was thinking that this match may very well be kaput due to money.   

I just hope there are no more surprises or scares like that.  I won't hold my breath on that though.  This adoption thing is not for the faint of heart... 

Planning ahead for #2 and preparing for #1

This is a bit premature (OK, very premature), but we already have thoughts about a second adoption.  I'm knocking on wood as I write this, because I feel like I'm jinxing adoption #1. 

To recount briefly, before we signed with our c.onsultant in June, we had been working with a f.acilitator since January '08.  I finally talked with her last week to let her know about the match through our c.onsultant.  She gave me the option to put our profile on hold or to keep it open if we're interested in "artificial tw.inning".  In case you're not sure what that term means, artificial twinn.ing would occur if after our 1st placement, we were matched again and had another placement with a baby very close in age to the first child.  Uh, so, a big no on the artifici.al tw.inning for us.  I asked that she put our profile on hold for now and I agreed to keep her updated and let her know when we are ready to reactivate our file.

We have already plunked down a large amount of money with the f.acilitator, so I can't help but think about adopting a second time.  Otherwise, we will take quite a hit.  Being on hold is a sort of savings account (that doesn't accrue interest) for little one #2.  Now, if it all works out this way, it would be wonderful.  The savings account only works with the fa.cilitator, of course.  We would have to count on her, and only her, to try to get us matched...again.  I worry if it would happen at all or if it did, how long it would take because we didn't even get close to a match after 21 months.  In fact, our profile rarely went out during that time. 

I'm aware that my feelings about adopting a second time might change once we finally have a child in our home.  Maybe I won't feel as antsy and be willing to wait longer or maybe I'll be too overwhelmed to start the process again right away or maybe we'll decide to write off the money and be parents to only one child (I'm not a big fan of the last 'maybe', primarily because it's a lot of money to just write off and we do want 2 kids).  All of these thoughts are really for another day. 

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Back to reality and the present, I went to BRU today to get some stuff for my cutie-patootie niece and  ended up spending a couple of hours there doing some "research".  I checked out crib bedding, sat in the gliders, looked at the car seats, and bought 2 boxes of diapers on sale and some pink Ca.rter's outfits.  We may get a glider this week because the sale ends on Thursday (15% off, plus I have a $15 gift card from buying the diapers).  The gliders and ottomans they had on display looked and felt as though pro football linebackers (WITH full equipment) glide away on them regularly.  Sheesh. 

Anyone have recommendations for a glider?  I like the ones that look like oversized chairs.

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Go Phils!        

It's a niece!

I had the absolutely wonderful experience of being present during the birth of my beautiful new niece very early this morning at 2:42am.  I am extremely honored that I was there with my sister and brother-in-law.  My sister was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.  This was a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and she worked so hard and pushed that baby out like a pro.  No drugs.  I am so proud of her.  And it was so fast!

My new niece is adorable and sweet.  She was very alert and chilled out.  Everything was calm and serene with just the midwife, a nurse, BIL, and me in the room, the lights were low, and music was playing in the background.  I have seen births before in a large, urban teaching hospital when I was in nursing school.  If I were to ever give birth, I would want it the way my sister did it.  I fully realize that this is easy for me to say when I know there is a snowball's chance in hell that a pregnancy is in my future.  If it did happen, it's very likely that I would chicken out and opt for the drugs.         

My little sis was very cute....soon after the baby was born and we learned it was a girl, she looked at me, visibly spent but with a big smile on her face, and said, 'we're going to have girls together!'  I'm so looking forward to it.    

Weekend warriors

We've declared war on the "nursery" and I'm now feeling confident enough to get rid of the quotes around the word. Hubbs had a 4-day weekend and he kicked butt. I have to toot my own horn and say that I was a hell of an assistant/gofer/holder-of-wood-so-that-it-may-be-cut/trim painter. Here's some proof:

To recap...this was one month ago. Yikes.

This was on Sunday.  And yes, that is an air conditioner in the closet.  A ginormous one, might I add.  What, you've never seen/heard of an air conditioner in a closet?  You must live in a normal house then.  The plan is for that to be a bookcase (AC will be concealed).  The carpet was removed and the hardwoods don't look too bad.  The previous owners used another carpet as padding.  The back of that carpet disintegrated and hubbs is sweeping up the remains.  It's nothing some cleaning (and an area rug) won't fix.

The work continues...