I'm dizzy. And mentally drained. These last few days have been spent doing a lot of thinking and introspection...thinking about my fears and insecurities, about expectations, and how we see ourselves as a family. Hubbs and I have had a couple of talks about the situation. After really thinking about what I want and feeling ready to open my heart to this baby, I'm learning that he isn't quite ready to say the same. For him, it comes down to the veracity of B and the apparent inability of the agency to get accurate information at the start. Other than that....well, he can't seem to get past that. We have not had direct contact with the agency and have not yet signed a contract or paid anything other than the application fee. Our c.onsultant has been the go between. She tells me that they work with this agency often, have a good working relationship, and have had many successful placements with them. I have a lot of trust in our c.onsultant. She adopted domestically less than a year ago as a client of this same consultant group and I feel like she has been nothing but upfront, non-judgemental, and responsive.
This seems to be a common statement on my blog, but hubbs has been very busy with work. OK, I can understand that. But he told me that he hasn't had a chance to think about it much....wtf? After work, he's been usually working on the "nursery". That alone doesn't have him thinking about it?? It's amazing to me that he's able to stuff all of his feelings down into the deep recesses of his brain.
I was discouraged to hear that hubbs isn't able to get past how we learned of the information....and I realize that he hasn't given himself a chance to process everything. I reminded him that this process is about taking a leap of faith. There are no guarantees and no crystal ball. No polygraphs either. I can't have us being in limbo for much longer. We're in this together, so if he's not on board, I can't be either.
#MicroblogMondays - Willpower
11 years ago
13 comments:
Whatever you decide, you need to be in it together. I'm sorry your hubby hasn't been processing this. It's funny how we can be so obsessive about things and they can avoid them, isn't it? I know if I were in your shoes it's all I would be thinking about. Hang in there.
Why are husbands slow processors when time is of the essence? I hope that he is able to take that leap of faith. If only there was a crystal ball. Whatever you two decide, I'm here cheering for you :)
That is beyond tough. Sometimes men need to be nailed (not literally of course) to a chair and forced to process things don't they?
Hoping that you will get there together.
Hugs xxxxx
That's a really difficult situation. I hope you both have some time together this weekend to connect. I'm sending good thoughts your way for a resolution. That's very stressful to be in limbo.
I just read your email...and came here to see what you'd blogged...
I know that all agencies/consultants/attorneys work very differently, but I'll tell you what happened with us - only because we also worked with a consultant. Our cons called us on a Wednesday about a possible match. We agreed to it. Within an hour, our cons had passed us off to the attorney handling this adoption. We had very little with our cons after that.
I wonder if you would both feel better about everything if you could remove that middle man. Is there a way that you can directly communicate with the agency??
Maybe that would also help DH?
Men. I just had a Come To Jesus talk with my DH about some stuff. Gah!
They are wired so differently that we are and handle things so differently. Maybe give him a day or so and then have a sit down talk and hash it all out?
Good luck!!
PS: I think this sounds like a good match and a good situation and I think your concerns are VALID but don't make this in any way a risky match or unstable BM, etc. Hang in there!
I posted on our other blog... rambled!! : )
Ugh...I'm sorry. Guys process SO different than girls, at least in general it seems. Good luck...hope you guys are able to find a place you both feel at peace with and can decide how to proceed. Praying for you. :)
I have often taken the role of "prodder" in our relationship, because my hubby is the same way. He takes MUCH longer to process and think about things than I do, and he is much more reluctant to change than I am.
I can totally understand your frustration, especially now in dealing with something so major in your lives.
It is SO tough to be the one who thinks about these things, and needs to talk about them. I will never understand how men can seemingly push it all aside when we are thinking about it NON STOP.
As many others have said in recent comments here, I do believe that things will work out as they should. If this is meant to be your baby then BOTH of your hearts will be softened to the circumstances surrounding this placement. I know it's really easy for me to say that from where I stand, and really HARD for you to struggle through from where you stand.
I'm not trying to trivialize what you're going through, so I hope it doesn't sound as though I am.
Whatever happens, I wish you comfort and peace as you try to figure it all out. HUGS!!
Melba
If there's one thing I can totally indentify with, it's when your husband "holds you back", so to speak. I am constantly and eternally waiting for him to be on the same page as me, and know how painful the wait can be. So my heart goes out to you. Just keep praying that your hubby will take the time to process this situation and that the two of you can come to an agreeable decision. (((hugs))) my friend!
I sent you a PM...on For the Love of Family.
Im sorry things are so up in the air right now- :( Whatever you guys decide, we will support you 100%. I hope Hubby is able to process everything soon
I'm sorry things are still up in the air and that you and hubby haven't been able to make a decision together. Men process things so differently (read slowly). I hope you will have a good and thorough talk soon and decide whether to move forward or step back.
I don't envy the holding pattern you are in right now. Men are funny beasts. I had to do a lot of prodding with Hubbs about "thinking" about things. It turns out, he can't "think" on his own and I had to remind him to "think" and it always turned into us talking. I found that he wasn't going to do any research or reading blogs or anything else to gain perspective. So, I shared A LOT with him about what so-and-so said/did, what I read, what I feel and think. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it doesn't.
Good luck with this process. Like everyone else said, it will workout how it is supposed to... but don't forget to be persistent
Post a Comment